Maintaining

By Pixelgoddess

Summary - Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V Yuri - CC/OC

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, OC/Chichi. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence (later), rape (later), angst (right away). A cheerful Goku. A nice dyke Chichi.

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Chapter 10 - Pissy

Vegeta's memory of his first time with Radditz was something he cherished. He had been right - it was something that Frieza could never take away.

Radditz had tried to prepare him, but even he couldn't have conceived of the horrors Frieza and his followers were capable of. Rape became a regular part of his life. He was able to prevent most of the attacks by other soldiers, but he wasn't strong enough to resist Zarbon or the Ginyus, ...and especially not Frieza.

He couldn't fight the lizard, no matter how much he wanted to. He never knew when, or where, or why, the creature would take him, holding him down, calling him his 'little monkey'.

He almost preferred being beaten first - then he could tell himself this was happening because he was too injured to defend himself. The pain he could deal with, but the humiliation was slowly destroying him.

When this form of punishment was still new to him he almost lost himself to Frieza, although he never let the lizard know. His pride almost got the best of him. Even now the memory was shameful and agonizing.

He had been ordered to report to medical after a difficult purging mission. He should have known something was up when he saw Zarbon there, but there was no choice but to follow Frieza's orders. The bastards drugged him. When he came to, his hands were chained overhead, and he was naked and kneeling before the lizard's throne.

He only barely resisted the urge to scream curses at the bastard and fight the chains. He would not give him that satisfaction. He was horrified to realize they were not alone. This was the throne room, and court was in process. Frieza was displaying him to visiting dignitaries. He only gradually became aware that Frieza was talking about his 'friendless monkey prince', red eyes watching him intensely, gauging his reaction. Vegeta only glared at him.

And then it started. Frieza invited, encouraged, demanded, that they take advantage of 'this convenient monkey'. Zarbon and the Ginyus were the first. But...he recognized some of the visitors...they had been forced to bow down before his father. And now Vegeta paid for the hatred they felt for Saiyans. He wanted to scream at them - He was a prince! How dare they use him like this? But he suffered in silence, biting through his bottom lip when the pain became too much to bear.

Frieza never touched him - just sat back in his throne, watching and laughing, sometimes giving his current attacker advice and commentary. "What's the matter, my little monkey prince? Your own father participated in one of these lessons. This is why you were given to me. So you could learn your true worth."

Vegeta felt totally abandoned. No one could save him, not even himself. He couldn't resist, couldn't stop them - he was used for what seemed like hours. And then Frieza said 'Enough' - and he was ignored and left hanging as the lizard returned to court business. He was exhausted and beaten - at that instant he would have done anything Frieza asked if it would have stopped this. He thought he couldn't be any more degraded - he couldn't sink any lower. He was wrong.

It was hours later before Nappa was finally called to take him to the tanks. Frieza smirked at the prince and Vegeta nearly shuddered when he realized what he had in mind. Frieza intended to destroy whatever respect anyone would have once held for him - including the prince's own. He bared his teeth as he realized how close he had come to losing to the bastard. All thoughts of surrender vanished and anger filled him. He growled in fury as Nappa willingly obeyed the lizard and became another of his attackers.

Every time Frieza assaulted him he wanted to hear him beg...cry...scream - but he wouldn't give him that satisfaction. From that moment his only reaction was anger and hatred - he wouldn't let the bastard know how helpless he made him feel. He refused to cower before the creature like the others did. He obeyed because he had to, but he never hid how much he despised the lizard.

Frieza hated that - he always told Vegeta he was going to break him someday. He considered it a challenge to turn his 'monkey prince' into a loyal servant. The lizard's tirades would start with his tail coiled around his neck, strangling him, and would end with Vegeta crumpled on the floor of his room, Radditz bending over him.

Radditz was certain that his prince had been drugged, but he was never able to determine the purpose. There were horror stories circulating of experiments and mind control, but he never noticed any unexplained behavior from Vegeta. He would ask him what he knew, but the prince had no memory of what had happened.

Radditz feared for his prince. He allowed no one else near him and trained at a near manic level. He often lost control and killed many of his sparring partners. Except for Frieza's select, he was given a wide berth by the crew. He became the classic Saiyan killer. Purging missions were no longer quick and methodical - he reveled in the blood and destruction.

Gone was his naïve boy - in his place was a creature that rivaled Frieza in his thrill of violence. Only Radditz could bring him back to a shadow of his former self - and it became more and more difficult. He nearly wept the first time Vegeta flinched when he touched him.

Vegeta knew Frieza had destroyed the person he should have been. His dreams were haunted by voices, laughing at him, taunting him for being a weak monkey prince without followers or friends. He would often wake up, screaming, sure he was losing his sanity - nightmare flashes of red eyes drilling into his mind.

Radditz was the only contact he had that didn't cause pain. Even so, it became more and more difficult for Vegeta to permit his touch. He knew Radditz wouldn't hurt him, but his body often reacted before his mind could tell him it was all right. He couldn't say it, but he was grateful that Radditz was always there for him. More than once he would drag himself to consciousness to find he was enveloped in Radditz' strong arms, blanketed by his hair. ::Safe:: He would purr, burrowing deeper into the warmth, feeling that dark mane as it poured through his fingers. Radditz would answer with a deeper rumble and stroke his back. He was safe here, cared for...wanted.

Vegeta struggled to return to the present. He didn't understand why was his past haunting him so much lately. He hadn't been this bothered by the lizard when he was under his control. And now...it never stopped. He kept seeing Frieza's eyes, hearing his voice - feeling his...

~~~~~~~~~~

Piccolo growled in annoyance, his meditation interrupted by a disturbed ki nearby. ::What is it this time?:: He uncurled from his pose and leisurely floated to the source.

He muttered a curse when he saw Vegeta. The Saiyan was sitting on the ground, unsuccessfully trying to meditate, eyes closed, his brows drawn into a scowl. Piccolo lowered himself until his feet touched the ground, and stood glaring down at Vegeta.

"What is this, Saiyan Mope Central?"

"Fuck off, Namek," Vegeta growled, not moving.

"What, and miss this opportunity to annoy you?" he answered, smirking.

Vegeta glared up at him. "I'm not in the mood for this today, Piccolo."

He sighed, and sat down facing the Saiyan. "You're no fun like this."

"Too fucking bad."

"Honestly, Vegeta, how do you expect to be able to center yourself in the state you are in? Do you want me to anchor you?"

Vegeta let out a long breath. "No, I don't think I'm going to be able to concentrate enough today."

Piccolo removed his turban and cloak, dropping them to the ground with a sigh. "So, when you kill him, can I watch?" he asked with a grin.

"Which one? Shorty? Or Scar-face?" Vegeta answered, smirking.

"I get a choice? Let's start with Yamcha."

"Wouldn't do much good. They'd just wish him back."

"But it would be fun. We could play tug-of-war."

Vegeta chuckled. "You get his arms, I'll get his legs."

Piccolo laughed.

"You're not going to do anything, are you?" he finally asked.

"No. What would be the point? Besides, it would upset Trunks."

"Brat," Piccolo muttered.

Vegeta smirked. "What, you still haven't gotten over training the kids?"

"Have you actually met Gotenks? He is impossible. All the worst qualities of those two, combined...."

"You're just upset because he can kick your ass."

"Bastard," Piccolo growled.

"Speaking of brats, what the hell was Dende doing the other day?" Vegeta asked, moving away from the Namek so he could stretch his legs out.

Piccolo hid his face in his hands and moaned.

"Problems?" Vegeta laughed.

"He is driving me mad. The little monster is hitting the equivalent of puberty. I can ignore most of it, but his hormones are raging. He has even hit on me. Hell, I swear he was trying to hump Mr. Popo's leg."

"Oh GodS," Vegeta said, roaring with laughter. "I have this horrifying picture in my mind."

"The scary thing is, the reality is even worse."

"So why didn't you take him up on his offer? You can, can't you?" Vegeta asked, gasping for air.

Piccolo glared at him. "You aren't going to give me any sympathy, are you? He is still a kid, and frankly the thought of sex with the sappy twit just squicks me. With how much Gohan has been here whining about Videl, I've been tempted to lock the three of them in a room and let them sort it out."

Vegeta blinked, not sure he had the right three. "Dende, Popo and Gohan?"

"Aggghhh! Are you mad? Dende, Videl and Gohan! Shit, you are going to give me nightmares!"

"Then my work here is done," Vegeta said, chuckling. "So, the couple has issues?"

"Not really, just raging hormones."

"He better be careful he doesn't break the girl," he said, grinning. "If they get too out of control..."

Piccolo stared at him, "Wha...?"

"I wouldn't worry too much. She is strong, and he is only a demi..."

"You're just being an asshole again, aren't you? Gohan will not fuck her to death."

Vegeta lay back, hands behind is head, grinning. "It could happen."

"Bastard," Piccolo said, smirking.

"Good at it, too."

"So, Prince Bastard, where are you going to stay now?"

Vegeta growled his annoyance.

"Knock it off, that shit doesn't scare me," Piccolo said calmly.

Vegeta sat up and frowned at the Namek.

"Well? Have you even thought about it?"

"I did consider going back to Capsule Corp to stay. I figured I could glare at them all the time," he said smirking. "I bet I could get Scar-face to actually piss himself."

"That could be entertaining. Didn't Chichi invite you to stay with them?"

"Yes, but staying with Kakarott and his wife..."

"Ex-wife."

Vegeta stopped, mouth open, staring at Piccolo.

"They are divorced, Vegeta. Didn't you know?"

"Don't try that crap with me, Namek," Vegeta said angrily. "I've been to their house. If they are divorced, why are they still living together?"

"I understand the split was mutual and friendly. Maybe you better talk to Son for the details. But Chichi and Rezu are together."

"Rezu...she is renting a room, helping with the brats..." Vegeta was stunned. Kakarott hadn't said anything, had he? "Why didn't Kakarott tell me?"

"He said he tried to talk to you..."

"Like hell."

"...but I gather you were being all pissy..."

"I do not get pissy..." he growled, rising to his feet, tail twitching.

"Sure you don't. You just get all High and Mighty Prince has no time for anyone else's problems because he's too damn busy moping and feeling sorry for himself!" Piccolo's voice held a hint of anger at the Saiyan.

Vegeta screamed and transformed to SSJ. "No one talks to me like that, you bastard!"

Piccolo calmly stood in front of the furious Saiyan and crossed his arms. "I do Vegeta. I probably know you better than anyone else on this planet. And I am worried about you. Your ki has been dropping so much lately that I could beat you without breaking a sweat."

"Fuck you!"

The Namek continued to wait patiently.

"I do not need your sympathy or pity!"

Piccolo sighed. "You are not getting it. Are you planning on killing yourself?"

Vegeta released his transformation and stared at him in shock. "Of course not. Death in battle is one thing, but suicide is for cowards."

"Good. That's all I wanted to know."

The Saiyan frowned at him, his anger gone, replaced by confusion.

"Look Vegeta, I don't want to drown in this Saiyan soap opera. Why don't you go bother Goku? He was here today, carrying on about you. He isn't as stupid as he acts..."

"No one is that stupid," Vegeta muttered, grimacing.

Piccolo grinned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goku, ki-suppressed, watched Vegeta and Piccolo talk from his hiding place. He was jealous, his tail thrashing behind him. When had this happened? Was Piccolo after his prince? He was horrified when Piccolo removed his training weights, afraid that was only the beginning.

Vegeta was always so tense around him. He was relaxed enough around Piccolo to joke and laugh! He had never gotten a reaction like that! What would it take to make him smile? He couldn't tear his eyes away, watching Vegeta's tail as it swayed beside him.

Goku wanted to join them, but he realized he couldn't trust himself right now. He was alarmed to realize he was making a low rumbling growl. The longer he watched, the angrier he got. If he got any closer, there was a good chance that he would hurt Piccolo.

Where did this come from? He had never been this jealous and protective before. Even Chichi's leaving didn't bother him as much as the idea that Piccolo might take what was his. That was ridiculous. Vegeta wasn't his - yet. Piccolo had had all the time he was dead. If he hadn't pursued Vegeta then, he wasn't going to start now, was he?

Goku looked up to realize that Piccolo was staring directly at him. He froze, suddenly afraid that Piccolo would tell Vegeta that he was spying on him. He couldn't be caught like this! He put two fingers to his forehead and vanished.

Vegeta realized that Piccolo was distracted by something. ::What the...?:: He scented something almost familiar, but somehow different.

He turned around, trying to locate where it came from.

"Radditz?" he whispered.

TBC
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