Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence (later), rape (later), angst (right away). A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, Yuri - CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 13 - Last

"Radditz," he snapped, perversely satisfied when Kakarott pushed back from the table to stare at him with shock-filled eyes.

"My brother?" he whispered. "You and Radditz...? Were you in love?"

Vegeta barked a laugh. "Love? I have never loved anyone, Kakarott. It doesn't exist."

"That's not true..." Kakarott protested.

"He was just my crew. He was convenient."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::Fuck, fuck, fuck!::

Vegeta was furious with himself. He wanted the last five minutes back. He wanted to redo them, right this time. How could he make so many mistakes in such a short period of time?

~~No wonder you don't have friends. You just use them.~~

--No, that's not true. I didn't use Radditz..-

~~Then what did you mean by convenient?~~

--It was a lie.-

~~So you were ashamed of him...~~

--NO!--

Damn it! He was always questioning himself - and in Frieza's voice. The words of doubt were constantly whispered to him.

He didn't know if he had been in love with Radditz - he never really knew what that was. It didn't exist in Frieza's service - there was only pain, betrayal and survival. He relied on him, needed him, trusted him - but love? It didn't matter anymore, anyway.

~~He meant so little to you, you lied about him to Goku.~~

--He meant...--

~~No wonder no one trusts you...~~

Radditz had trusted him, but with a few words to Kakarott he had betrayed that trust.


~~~~~~~~~~~

Something had changed on the ship. Vegeta's 'sessions' with Frieza had become an almost daily occurrence. Radditz usually found him unconscious on the floor of his own quarters instead of the prince's. Zarbon and Nappa had been seen talking quietly to each other, stopping only to stare at Radditz as he passed by. When dealing with Vegeta, Nappa seemed more smug than usual.

Vegeta was standing, if a bit unsteadily, when Radditz entered the room. Vegeta had his back to him, braced against a table for support, his tail sweeping behind him.

"Vegeta?" he quietly asked, moving closer. "What happened?"

Vegeta felt Radditz standing behind him. He wished he knew what Frieza had done, but the session was a blank. He felt no pain that would tell him he had been raped - he just felt so damned slow and disoriented. "I don't know."

He was barely conscious of Radditz gently turning him around, one large warm hand cupping his cheek. He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into Radditz' palm.

"Vegeta, look at me," he said, concern evident in his voice.

He slowly blinked his eyes open to find himself staring at Radditz' mouth. ::Beautiful:: He swore he had never seen anything as captivating. Without conscious intent, he raised a hand to feather over the large Saiyan's lips.

"You've been drugged Vegeta. You need to sleep this off." Radditz tail wrapped comfortingly around Vegeta's waist.

"They know," Vegeta whispered, his other hand gently twining into his hair. Frieza was going to take Radditz away from him. "They know about us." Vegeta watched as a flash of fear crossed his eyes, quickly masked.

"Vegeta, I..." he started, only to be stopped by the prince's fingers pressed against his lips.

Vegeta stood, barely breathing, studying every detail of the other Saiyan's face. ::I'm going to lose him. I can't protect him from Frieza.:: He memorized the tiny scar that began beneath his left eye and ended on the bridge of his nose. His eyes were a deep brown - so dark they looked black to the unobservaant. He felt his warm breath on his fingers. His lips called to him and he couldn't resist.

He drew Radditz down to him by the captured mane, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck, imprisoning him with a kiss. His tail coiled around Radditz' thigh, brushing against him, tormenting his trapped cock.

Radditz erupted into a deep rumbling purr, the vibrations going straight through Vegeta to his groin. Huge arms wrapped around him, crushing him to Radditz' chest. Radditz' tail brushed against his, ruffling the fur, making his tail tip twitch in pleasure, teasing them both.

Vegeta was desperate, frantic for more contact, more sensation. He attacked Radditz' mouth, nibbling his lips, alternately sucking and battling his tongue, invading the moist heat. Then the large Saiyan coiled his tail around the base of his own, making him emit a blissful moan. He would have collapsed if it hadn't been for Radditz' firm grasp.

Some small part of his mind questioned his unusually aggressive behavior with Radditz, but he disregarded it. His fear of losing his only comfort in his life kept hammering at him. He needed Radditz.

He released Radditz' hair to scrabble at his shirt, frenzied in his efforts to remove any obstacles keeping him from touching that burning flesh. His tail snapped behind him as he alternately purred and growled as his hands flew, rending the skin-tight training uniform. Once his prize was revealed he stepped back to shred his own uniform.

He noticed the large Saiyan's surprised but hungry look and smirked. Radditz had tried - with little success - to encourage him to take the initiative more often. Vegeta reached out and pushed him to his knees, leaning down to recapture the swollen lips, brushing his palm against an already hardened nipple. He growled with pleasure at Radditz' moan as he pressed closer, wrapping his arms around Vegeta.

Vegeta teased his tail against Radditz' hardened cock.

"D-damn it, Vegeta!" he groaned.

Vegeta chuckled and pressed against him, pushing him onto his back on the floor. He moved quickly, straddling Radditz' waist. He slid back far enough to feel Radditz against his cleft. The large Saiyan growled as he shifted forward, removing that friction.

Radditz reached up to wrap his hands around Vegeta's hips, fingers pressing into his ass cheeks. "What's gotten into you, Vegeta? I've never seen you like this." He was panting, struggling for breath.

Vegeta purred as he captured Radditz' tail. "You'll get into me soon enough. Are you complaining?" he said with a smirk.

"No, I'm just - O GodS..." he howled as Vegeta sucked on a nipple as he scraped his nails teasingly through the fur of his tail.

Vegeta captured Radditz' struggling tail with his own to concentrate on his muscled chest. "I'm going..." lick "...to show..." suck "...you what..." nibble "...I learned..." suck "...from you." He breathed on the tormented nipple, purring as he heard Radditz' barely coherent comment.

"Ohhhh...GodS... Veeegeeetaaa...please..." Radditz breathed, trying in vain to raise his hips for contact with his aching arousal.

Vegeta freed one of Radditz' hands, bringing it to his mouth and sucking on his fingers. He released it, shivering with pleasure as Radditz pressed a moistened finger into his entrance.

Radditz growled as he tried unsuccessfully to take more control, trying to shift so the prince was under him. Vegeta didn't let him, keeping the large Saiyan pinned beneath him.

"Shhhh..." Vegeta purred, dipping his tongue into the hollow at the base of his throat. "Let me..." He took a path over Radditz' chest, following the map of battle scars, kissing each mountain and licking each river, imprinting the journey in his memory.

Radditz continued to stretch him, adding another finger, causing Vegeta to interrupt his travels as he pressed back. He was nearly insane with want, rubbing his own neglected arousal against Radditz's stomach. Radditz had lost all control over his tail, allowing Vegeta to twist his own around it, coiling them both around Radditz' leaking cock.

"Vegeta!" he howled. The prince howled with him as Radditz' fingers touched a spot inside him that made him blind with pleasure.

"GodS, I need you..." Vegeta groaned. He couldn't wait any longer. His tail released Radditz' arousal, leading the large Saiyan to moan a complaint. He moved so that he could drag Radditz to a sitting position.

Vegeta straddled Radditz' lap, wrapping his legs tightly around his waist. He felt the tip of his erection against his entrance. He pressed down, impaling himself, crying out in joy at being so filled.

Vegeta tangled his hands in his mane and buried his tongue in his mouth. He tasted solace in its depths. With Radditz' hands on his hips, he began to move. Radditz must have understood his anguish, and responded, his thrusts soon turning frantic. He felt him moan his name into his mouth, and growled Radditz' name into his.

When Radditz slipped his tail between them and stroked his trapped erection he was undone. He roared his climax, Radditz following a few strokes later.

He wrapped his arms around the large Saiyan, licking the sweat from his neck, savoring the taste and scent. He was unwilling to move, wanting to Radditz to stay buried in him forever, muscled arms holding him close.

"Vegeta."

He hardly heard Radditz' shaky whisper, and buried his nose deeper into his wild mane.

"We've always known..."

He felt Radditz' tail brush against his cheek.

"...there was a danger of being discovered."

Vegeta was silent, not trusting himself to speak.

"Vegeta, look at me."

He slowly raised his head to look into chocolate eyes.

"I wouldn't change anything we've done. I'm glad that I am able to give you some pleasure. If Frieza does kill me..."

"I'm not strong enough to protect you. I can't even protect myself from him." He felt the tears building, his black eyes glittering.

"I know. You will be someday, then you will be in control of your own life."

Vegeta felt he lost something when Radditz finally slid out of him. They fell asleep on the floor, limbs entwined, no longer caring who knew.

~~~~~~~~~~~

That had been the last time they had been together. Shortly after, Radditz went to Earth. Frieza had been furious at Nappa when he learned about the roster change. The lizard ranted through the entire beating about wasted time and ruined entertainment. It was the only time Vegeta could remember Nappa being on the receiving end of Frieza's punishment.

He really didn't blame Kakarott or the Namek for his death. Radditz had died in battle - he hadn't left them any options. Vegeta still believed Radditz attacked Kakarott the way he had on purpose. It was better than Frieza's slow and painful torturing him to death.

He wanted to tell Kakarott that - tell him the truth about his brother. He had to try to repair the damage he had made to Radditz' memory.

~~He'll know you are weak.~~

--What does it matter? I've always been weakker than him.-

~~He'll use you. That is what the strong do to the weak.~~

--No, not Kakarott. He is good. He wouldn't..-

~~Are you sure?~~

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He had tried for hours to locate Kakarott. He had gone back to the new house to find that the kitchen was how he had left it, dishes and leftover food on the table. He had flown to Kakarott's favorite training areas, becoming more aggravated the longer it took.

His internal voice kept laughing at him, telling him he was foolish. Kakarott would know his weakness and use it. But he didn't really believe that - he had seen inside the younger Saiyan and he didn't seem capable of that. And Kakarott had seemed so upset when he had left...

~~No one gives a damn about you - why should you care about them?~~

--No, Kakarott is different.-

~~Like Zarbon was.~~

--Shut up!--

As he continued his search he was annoyed to realize that his drop in ki made it more difficult to sense in others. He could sense his son's and Goten's - theirs were high right now - they were probably tormenting some poor ningen at the park. He could feel Piccolo training. But Kakarott - he must be holding his down and Vegeta was unable to locate him.

He surprised himself when he finally gave up and went to Piccolo for help. Since when had he admitted he needed anyone? But it had just become so important to him to tell the truth about Radditz - he wanted Kakarott to understand.

He was drained when he arrived at the Namek's location - between the voice yammering away at him and his low ki he kept to his feet by will alone. Piccolo had stood silently, listening to his request, not harassing him for once.

The Namek had concentrated for a moment, then frowned. "You are going to need more ki to get there. He's at the battleground where he died the first time."

"Damn it," Vegeta said, turning to face where Piccolo was pointing. He gathered up his remaining ki and prepared to leave.

Piccolo reached out and wrapped his hand tightly around his upper arm. "Wait."

He snapped his head around to glare at Piccolo for daring to touch him. His angry words died in his mouth as he saw the ki building in the Namek's hand. He couldn't protect himself from that attack! Before he could react, Piccolo moved. His eyes widened in fear but he refused to make a sound when he felt the ki pressing against his chest and entering him.

TBC

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