Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence (later), rape (later), angst (right away). A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V, Yuri - CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 15 - Fever

Goku made a surprised gasp and felt a thrill of fear when Vegeta gently wrapped his hand around the retreating appendage, not causing pain, but making him stop. He was speechless when the prince brought the black tail to his nose to inhale the scent. Vegeta's emotions were so confused right now, and his gentle fingers brushing through the fur were making Goku's mind shut down.

Goku was shocked to hear himself purr at the contact, and even more surprised to hear an answering purr from the prince.

"Vegeta..."

"Stay?" Vegeta softly asked, putting his free hand on the bed next to him.

Goku nodded, smiling. He toed off his boots and slipped under the covers. He was delighted when the prince curled up next to him, resting his head on his chest. Goku protectively wrapped his arms over Vegeta and wound his tail around his waist, purring him to sleep.
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Goku moved quietly around the kitchen, putting together trays of food for Vegeta and himself. His tail swished behind him distractedly as he considered his prince.

Vegeta was sleeping normally; his fever had finally broken a few hours ago after nearly two days. Goku had been afraid to leave him for more than a couple of minutes at a time.

His nightmares buffeted Goku, with Vegeta fighting and arguing with unseen opponents. Sometimes he just held one-sided conversations, with pauses that made it seem like he was actually listening to a response. The prince spoke mostly another language during these exchanges, but Goku was sure he heard his own name more than once, as well as Zarbon's and Frieza's.

During one of these battles Vegeta screamed out in anger and his ki flared out of control, forcing Goku to ascend in order to protect himself. More often though, Vegeta's ki would drop to dangerously low levels. Then Goku would hold him close, gently surrounding him with his energy, letting it flow into the prince, restoring him.

Goku was confused at how he currently felt. He was happy that the prince trusted him enough to tell him about Radditz, but was worried about how Vegeta would react when he was well. Would he regret letting Goku get so close to him - see it as a weakness? ::What if he will have nothing to do with me?:: The feel of his prince's skin beneath his fingers made the fur on his tail bush out, but he refused to touch Vegeta except to take care of him. He wanted Vegeta to want his caresses - he would not be a monster like Frieza.

::Frieza! That fucking bastard!:: Goku's tail thrashed, nearly knocking the dishes off the counter. It had happened - something that Goku both wanted and feared. During one of Vegeta's terror attacks a barrier in the prince's mind dropped and Goku was crushed by a memory.

******
A thick white tail a noose around his neck, leaving him gasping, weak, helpless, all fight gone in the face of overwhelming pain. Every wheeze of breath was agony, the shattered ribs driven into his lungs. His naked body burned and twisted with every line of ki carved into his back. He heard laughter and looked up to see others standing in front of him, entertained by the torture the lizard was committing. He remained silent even as his arms were twisted and snapped, the bones tearing the skin and muscle. The tail released and he was shoved down, his shattered arms unable to keep his face from smashing onto the floor. The lizard laughed then rammed his tail into his entrance, ripping and shredding him inside. He fought to keep from screaming out in agony. All he could hear was Frieza calling him a weak monkey and the others laughing. He suffered in silence as the tail continued its violation until he finally passed out.

******

Goku had to rush out of the room to vomit. He had never felt so alone - so weak and helpless. His link to Vegeta's emotions made the memory feel like his own. He crumpled to the bathroom floor crying and shivering in reaction. He had never imagined anyone could be so cruel. And Frieza wouldn't let him die - he was sure the bastard had the prince put in the regen tanks - just so he could do it again.

How long had Vegeta been tortured by that bastard? It explained a lot about the prince's need to be strong - he needed to be powerful enough to stop Frieza - and he never was. He wondered if Frieza knew he had ensured Vegeta's failure when he destroyed Vegetasei and cut the prince off from everyone, not letting him have friends or supporters. He was amazed that Vegeta had achieved the energy level he had under those circumstances - alone. Goku tried to picture the prince, ascended beyond SSJ2, stunning in his power, with a planet of loyal followers behind him.

If he had known what Frieza had done when they fought, he would have blasted him to ash without hesitation. Goku shook his head, trying to push the memories and regrets away. The worse part wasn't the pain - it was the humiliation. He could hardly bear the feelings, and it hadn't even happened to him. How could Vegeta's pride survive under such an assault? How had it survived so long?

Goku was distracted from his speculations by a soft knock at the door. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and went to answer.

He was surprised to find his oldest son by the door, leaning against the railing, a confident smile on his face and his tail flying high behind him. "Gohan? Why are you here? Don't you have school or something?"

Gohan strode into the living room, taking in his father's disheveled appearance and tired eyes.

"It's Saturday - day off. And I'm here because Mom asked me. Where's your phone, Dad?"

Goku blinked at him, not awake enough to understand the question. "Phone?"

Gohan shook his head, grinning. He knew his father wasn't stupid - he just got...distracted. "Mom's been trying to call you. Apparently the kids felt Vegeta's ki doing weird things, so she wanted you to reassure them. But you haven't answered, so she sent me to check."

Goku gave a sheepish grin, and scratched the scar on the back of his head. "Oh. I've been kind of busy. I forgot all about it." He started to check his pockets for the cell phone before realizing he was wearing sweatpants, not his gi. "I guess it is in my room."

"Probably with a dead battery too," Gohan laughed. "Someone should develop a ki charged phone."

Goku chuckled.

"So, how is Vegeta?" Gohan asked.

"He was really sick, but he's doing better now. I'm making us some food. Want to help?"

"Sure," Gohan answered, following his father into the kitchen. He looked around at the disorder and groaned. "Dad, how can you make such a mess in two days? Mom would freak!"

Goku glanced at the cluttered counters and grinned sheepishly. "I didn't have much time to clean up - I had to stay with Vegeta."

Gohan started pulling food out of the refrigerator. "What was wrong with him, anyway? I've never known him to be sick like this. Piccolo said he gave him some ki and he collapsed. And his energy is really strange right now. Trunks was kind of freaking - Rezu's having trouble keeping him from flying here."

Goku's tail slashed through the air and he growled at the mention of the Namek.

Gohan realized his father wasn't really paying attention to him. He turned to look at him, seeing Goku standing, fists clenched, fur bristling, emitting a low angry rumble.

"Oh, for...." He muttered, angrily. Sometimes his father could be an ass. "Dad, sit down," he said, dragging a chair over and pushing him into it.

Goku blinked, suddenly remembering where he was. What had happened? He remembered feeling angry at Piccolo... "Gohan?"

"I swear, the kids have better control over their tails than you do. You are musking so much that this place is starting to reek. It was so bad at dinner the other night that even Mom could smell it." Gohan was annoyed - why did he always have to be the responsible one?

"Musking?" Goku was confused. Granted, his tail seemed to have a mind of its own, but he hadn't had one since he was a kid, so he just wasn't used to it.

Gohan took a deep breath. ::He's not stupid, he's not stupid, he's not stupid. He just doesn't *think*.:: "Dad, are you even aware that your tail is giving off a scent, especially around Vegeta?"

Goku shook his head. He tried so hard - he didn't understand why Gohan was upset with him this time. "Vegeta?" he asked quietly. He brought his own captured tail to his nose and sniffed, then sneezed.

Gohan sighed. "It's okay, you probably didn't have your tail long enough when you were growing up," Gohan said, pulling up another chair, trying to calm his obviously distressed father. "Vegeta had to teach me when mine came back, so I guess I shouldn't expect you to know automatically. Dad, your tail is triggering hormones. It gives off scents for different reasons, but lately yours is telling everyone you are looking for a mate."

"What! Mate?" Goku nearly leapt out of his seat, only to be held down by Gohan's hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, mate," he said, grinning. "And based on current events, I would say the one you want is Vegeta. I'm sure he knows - he had to smell it - and he hasn't told you to go to hell, so you probably have a chance."

Goku stared at him, opening and closing his mouth, trying to think of what to say. "He knows?" was finally all that came out.

"I think so. But Dad, you have to get ahold of yourself - your hormones are making you act weird. Piccolo said you growled at him and were stalking Vegeta for a while. And before you ask, Piccolo is not interested - they are friends, nothing more. I know you run on instinct a lot, but this is not a good idea under these circumstances. We are not animals, after all, and saying your hormones made you do something is a lame ass excuse. You need to think and keep control over yourself or you could hurt someone."

"I wouldn't hurt..." He was glad he had his tail back, but he hadn't realized it would be so difficult to deal with.

"You better not. If I hear you've done anything to Piccolo because of Vegeta, I'll rip your tail out myself. And based on what Vegeta taught me, he'd agree." Gohan whipped his tail behind him in irritation.

"Vegeta taught you...you've seen sides of him that I never have," Goku said sadly, jealous again of his family.

"Maybe if you had come back when you had the chance you would have," Gohan snapped.

Goku stared, wide-eyed. He hadn't seen Gohan this pissed at him in nearly a year.

Gohan gasped as he realized what he had said. "Oh Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

Goku looked at him, anguished, eyes glittering. "I deserved that. Gohan, if I could do it over - if I'd realized how much it would hurt you - I would have. But I can't undo it - and I'm sorry."

"I know," Gohan said, head down. He took a deep breath and stood up, looking at his father. His tail coiled protectively around his waist. "Look, I really don't want to do this now. I just came by to check on Vegeta for Trunks. I'll let him know he's doing better, okay?"

Goku didn't say anything as his son left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goku sat on the floor, his back against the wall in Vegeta's room, trying to meditate. He had gotten the prince awake long enough to eat, but it was hardly enough to nourish a human child. The worst of the fever may have broken, but Vegeta was still weak and confused.

He sighed. Three days - it had been three days. The prince had slept fitfully, often clinging to him when the nightmares returned. When Vegeta was awake, Goku wasn't sure he knew who he was. Goku was afraid to leave him alone for long periods of time. Vegeta's ki had finally stabilized, but it was frighteningly low.

Vegeta's fear still thrummed below the surface, but all of the fight seemed to have gone out of him. He hadn't even resisted when Goku removed his sweat-soaked shirt and began to clean him with a cool damp cloth. Goku resisted the urge to study and trace each scar, marveling at the raw beauty they gave his prince. Goku shuddered inwardly with each pass over sculpted muscles, wishing it were his fingertips making contact, trailing down a carved stomach... Goku groaned in frustration.

::No, I am not a monster.:: Was this what Gohan meant about keeping control? The more he was around the prince, the more difficult it became. Vegeta's flame scent made him burn with the need to be close to him; he wanted to drown in his heat...

He took advantage of Vegeta's relatively peaceful sleep to take a shower and change, trying to get his mind off his ever-growing attraction. Hair still damp, he returned and crawled into bed beside the prince, quickly falling asleep himself.

Goku dreamed of Vegeta beneath him, dark eyes glittering with passion, fingers grazing burning flesh, tongues battling... He groaned and strained for more contact, slowly waking up to realize that the heat he felt was real. He cautiously opened his eyes to see Vegeta taking his nipple in his teeth, gently pulling. He purred at the contact, his fingers stroking Vegeta's back.

Part of Goku fought with his acceptance of this fulfillment of his dreams. He tried to read Vegeta and was bothered at the total lack of emotion. It was as if he wasn't there - this wasn't the Vegeta he knew. He felt a hand caressing him, slipping under his waistband.

"No," he said, capturing the wandering hand and lifting Vegeta's chin so he could look him in the eye. There was no reaction, and Goku wondered if the prince was even awake.

"Vegeta, I can't," he said, gently shifting the prince off of him. Vegeta resisted before settling back under the covers.

Goku fingered the auburn hair as he whispered, "I'm sorry Vegeta, but not like this. I would like nothing more, but you are still sick, and I would feel like I am taking advantage of you."

Now he sat, watching the slow rise and fall of the prince's chest, trying to make sense of everything. He hadn't had a chance to really think about what Vegeta had said and done.

Vegeta didn't like to admit it, but he was an emotional person. Goku had seen him cry more than once - something that humans seemed to consider a weakness - but was it the same to Saiyans? Goku had rarely felt the need, but maybe that was because of his childhood injury. He had never understood most of the feelings his friends had felt - could the damage have affected that, too?

He raised his head to watch as Vegeta shifted, whimpering Frieza's name, before slipping back to sleep.

Frieza. It always came back to that bastard. He had known that Vegeta had been given over to the lizard when he was a child. He had always suspected that Frieza had abused him, but until now he had no idea how bad it had been. How often - how many times - had Vegeta been raped and beaten like that? It was no wonder the prince didn't like to be touched - he imagined that except for Radditz, the only contact he had was violent. Goku was sure he couldn't have survived under those circumstances.

Goku's tail flicked as he struggled to organize his thoughts. His head ached with the effort. Gohan was right - he did operate more on feelings and instinct - logic was difficult for him.

Gohan had said Vegeta was better - happier and calmer - for the seven years he had been gone. Vegeta had become friends with Goku's family...helping his sons... When Goku had showed up at the tournament, Vegeta's strength was amazing, radiating off him in waves...

But now his ki was nearly gone. Vegeta...he had begged not to die. Goku had never known him to do that before. But he wasn't in any danger now. No. He was missing something. But what? Vegeta had always fought giving his all - he was nearly suicidal in his attacks. Vegeta had died twice - fighting Frieza and Buu...he wasn't afraid of dying after the first time. If anything, he was even more reckless.

Goku had been dead, and it wasn't that bad - it had been kind of fun sometimes. Of course, he had been in Otherworld. Vegeta had been in dead during some of his fight against Frieza...and after Buu, Vegeta had been...

Oh, fuck!

In hell...

With...

Frieza.

TBC

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