Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess



Chapter 18 - Tango

Vegeta didn't know why he had let Kakarott talk him into this. He had hardly trained at all in over a month - mostly limiting himself to stretching and light work-outs. What was the point, after all? The gravity room was beyond him - the last time he had used it he had been flattened by a mere 10Gs. He hated to think that he wouldn't even be able to stand on his own planet right now.

When they had first arrived at the field Kakarott had found it impossible to restrain himself, performing flips and cartwheels, laughing, tail flashing through the air. He suddenly dropped into a fighting stance and erupted in a deadly kata, hands and feet slicing through invisible opponents. Vegeta had just stood back, watching, both thrilled and terrified to see the instant change in Kakarott from gentle to killer.

~~How do you know he won't change on you? He is capable of killing.~~

--He wouldn't do that to me.--

Goku froze in mid-strike and snapped his head around to stare at Vegeta. It had happened again. His ki, while low, had been stable - and suddenly dipped and changed before returning to normal. ::What in the hell...?::

As he landed he watched Vegeta take an involuntary step back before planting himself in his customary pose of feet apart and arms crossed. His prince was so unsure of himself lately - he might have been afraid in the past, but his pride wouldn't let him show it. Now Goku could feel that constant fear churning beneath the surface - and it was crippling him. He didn't think any less of his prince for his current weakness, but after sharing nightmares with him, he was no longer sure that Vegeta's problem was going to be solved just by helping him regain his ki.

Vegeta struggled to maintain a calm façade when Kakarott approached him. He was becoming too easily distracted - too easily surprised. Lately, voices and memories of his time with Frieza were making him inattentive.

"Vegeta," Kakarott said, concern evident in his voice, "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this today. You've been sick, after all. I just thought it would be good to get out and move around."

Vegeta stared back silently. He felt like he was falling, spinning out of control without anything to anchor him. He tried to be logical - he tried to be reasonable. He knew these were only memories - memories that hadn't haunted him like this for years. But since Buu...he felt shattered, being drawn back into those hellish years. How had he survived under that torture? He didn't know how - because now the memories alone were enough to make him want to die to escape them. The only thing keeping him going was the knowledge that Frieza was there - waiting for him.

He remembered the nightmare - Frieza had been destroyed. Kakarott had saved him in his dream. He no longer had the ability to protect himself - he wanted Kakarott to save him. But it had already happened. How can you save someone from their past? It was hopeless. Radditz had known everything that happened to him. He never had to tell his guard - he was incapable of it. His pride - the tiny bit he had - always silenced him. But he could look into Radditz' dark eyes and know that he knew - and he understood.

But he wasn't capable of telling Kakarott what had happened - what was happening. He was hardly capable of any speech anymore - it required too much effort. They were just words - but he was their prisoner and silence held him captive. And if Kakarott knew the truth...he wouldn't want to have anything to do with a damaged prince. Maybe if Kakarott had known and rejected him before last night... But the idea that he would find out and reject him now that he had...they had... He considered himself fortunate that Kakarott apparently didn't realize just how weak he had become.

GodS! What could he do? He couldn't lose Kakarott! He knew he didn't deserve the tall Saiyan - but - GodS - he needed him. He would do whatever he could to show that he was not worthy of scorn. But what? Kakarott was standing there, staring at him with shining eyes, waiting for him to...what? What should he do? What could he do?

He hated himself for his weakness, but didn't know what caused it or what to do to fix it. The ki required to perform even an elementary kata like the one Kakarott had just done was beyond him. Kakarott had said he could help him get his strength back, but while the younger Saiyan might believe that, he doubted the veracity of his statement.

~~He's testing you.~~

--Why would he?--

~~He wants to see just how pitiful you've become.~~

--I am the Saiyan prince! I am not pitiful!!-

~~Who are you trying to convince, little monkey?~~

Goku remained quiet, watching his prince. Vegeta's expression never changed, but his eyes - GodS his eyes... He saw fear, anger and ddespair flash through them in an instant, reinforcing the emotions that were pounding into him.

"Vegeta..." he began, hesitantly.

Vegeta's dark eyes snapped up, hard and determined. He was frozen in place as the prince turned and stalked away, coming to a halt some distance away. Vegeta stood with his back to him, tension and pain obvious in his stance. And then his prince began to...move.

Goku stared, open-mouthed, as Vegeta began a kata unlike anything he had ever seen before. There was no power behind it - it didn't need any. Vegeta flowed, delicately, gracefully - slowly - in perfect control of every breath, every heartbeat. It was simple, it was complicated, it was...beautiful. He couldn't tear his eyes away. He felt Vegeta...not relaxing, but re-establishing command over himself. His ki halted its constant outpouring, and while it didn't increase, it drew in, stabilizing, centering, filling him.

Goku finally sunk to the ground to admire his amazing prince. Vegeta's eyes were closed. His body was sleek with perspiration, his muscles defined by his clinging training uniform. His tail was part of the dance, emphasizing and counter-pointing each move.

He tore his eyes away when he heard a sound nearby and scanned the area. Their activities had attracted the interest of a large predator, currently hunting in their training grounds. He glanced over at Vegeta and saw that he was continuing his exercise. He watched and waited, thinking that Vegeta was ignoring it, since it wasn't much of a threat for a Saiyan.

The beast got closer, body pressed to the ground, stalking the prince. Goku gasped when he finally realized Vegeta wasn't deliberately ignoring it - he really didn't know it was coming after him. The cat sprang and Goku growled, leaping to his feet, lunging after it. It only took him a second to bring it down, killing it with a blast of ki. He shuddered with reaction when he realized how close he had let the cat get to Vegeta. He was supposed to be protecting his prince, not letting himself get distracted by his beauty.

Vegeta finished his kata, breathing deeply, feeling calmer than he had felt in ages. It had been years since he had performed it. It had little use for fighting, but it was useful for meditation.

He slowly turned until he was facing Kakarott - who was sitting on the ground. In front of-- He looked at the nearby area, seeing the signs of the cat's path and the quick scuffle. Oh GodS! What had he done? For the exercise to be truly effective, you had to turn yourself inward, becoming totally unaware of your surroundings. The last time had been with Radditz, on a planet they had purged. The longhaired Saiyan had stood guard, freeing him to completely immerse himself in the form. He hadn't stopped to consider how it would look to Kakarott. He had just begun, unthinkingly. He had wanted to prove to Kakarott that he wasn't totally worthless, but that was exactly what he had done. He had been unable to sense the creature's approach - needing Kakarott to protect him. Now he would know how helpless he was!

He was frozen as Kakarott gracefully rose to his feet. His tail coiled around his waist as the tall Saiyan strode towards him, stopping only inches away. Vegeta stared past him at the dead animal, unable to meet his eyes; afraid of the disgust and anger he knew he would see.

He glanced down at the feel of soft fur twining gently around his arm and wrist, the tip brushing fearlessly against his palm. He closed his eyes when a firm hand rested on his shoulder. He held his breath, waiting for the inevitable pain of fingers crushing him.

"Vegeta, that was amazing," said a breathless voice.

He opened his eyes slowly, not sure he wasn't imagining Kakarott's voice.

"I've never seen anything like it. Your control is astounding."

Then a warm palm cupped his cheek, gently lifting his chin so he could stare up into deep brown eyes.

"I am honored," Kakarott whispered, their lips nearly touching, "That my prince would trust me to protect him."

And then Kakarott's mouth was against his, not demanding - soft...wanting. He pressed against the warm hand still on his cheek, angling his head for more contact, parting his lips to allow entry to a questing tongue. The hand on his shoulder slid down, around, embracing him, a gentle pressure in the small of his back. Tender fingers teased the base of his tail and he would have collapsed from the pleasure and relief if it hadn't been for the strong arm that supported him.

Goku felt his prince shivering under his fingers, driven by fear. He wished he knew why Vegeta was so distraught - he would do anything to drive that terror away. He drew back to stare into black eyes that were entirely too bright. Vegeta's arms remained at his side, and Goku knew if he released his hold his prince would be unable to stand.

Goku wanted to comfort him; to make him feel protected and wanted. He slid his other hand down around Vegeta's shoulders, gently pulling him close, embracing him. He was rewarded with his prince's arms wrapped tightly around his waist, as if he would vanish if he let go. He heard Vegeta's shaky breathing and felt the turmoil inside him. There was so much fear - and so much need.

Vegeta clung to Kakarott even harder when the younger Saiyan began to purr. He pressed against him, wanting to feel the vibrations through his blood and into his bones. He closed his eyes, feeling safe again. Kakarott's ki was a glowing presence, surrounding them - giving itself to him. He tasted its brightness through his skin, and gratefully drank in everything that Kakarott offered him.

It was an eternity later - and it was still too soon - when he heard Kakarott's soft voice.

"Vegeta, the boys are home. They are headed this way."

Vegeta slowly, reluctantly, drew away from the sheltering warmth. He began to walk towards the dead animal when he felt a gentle pressure on his arm and a tail around his wrist. He stopped and waited as Kakarott drew alongside him.

"I know something's bothering you. You can tell me Vegeta. You can tell me anything. I'll still love you. I'll love you no matter what," Kakarott said earnestly. "You know that, don't you?"

Vegeta could do nothing but stare into beautiful brown eyes. He wanted to believe him - he almost did - but he was still apprehensive. Kakarott just stood there, waiting for an answer.

He opened his mouth, trying to respond, trying to breathe a yes, but he couldn't make a sound. Finally, regretfully, he closed his mouth and just nodded.

~~~~~~~~~

Goku prepared the beast, cooking it with controlled blasts of ki while Vegeta sat on the ground, watching. He stopped what he was doing, looking towards the trees and smiling. Vegeta followed the direction of his glance.

Suddenly, two little powerballs burst out of the woods, heading straight for Vegeta, with cries of "I win!" and "No fair!"

Trunks and Goten skidded to a halt in front of Vegeta, Trunks hesitating only a moment before jumping in his lap and flinging his arms around his father's neck.

"DadIwassoworriedyourkiwasallfunnyandIwantedtocomeseeyoubuttheywouldn'tletmeandRezusaidyouwereokaybutIcouldn'ttell." Trunks burst out.

"Yeah!" Goten said, latching onto his arm. "You kept going all up and down all funny like and it was weird and we thought something really bad was happening but Dad's ki was okay and Mom said it would be okay and nothing bad was happening but we couldn't tell!"

"AndGohancalledandsaidtherewasnothingwrongandyouwerejustsickandGokuwastakingcareofyouandyou'dgetbetterbutyourkiisallstillfunnyareyouokay?"

Vegeta looked at his distressed son, then at an equally worried Goten. What had brought this on? Why would they care? He didn't know what to do. He looked up at Kakarott who was watching the display, smiling. Kakarott made some gesture with his arms, and then pointed at Trunks.

He finally realized what Kakarott wanted him to do. Hug Trunks? He had only done it once... He wondered what it would be like if he didn't know he was going to be dead soon. Vegeta sighed and awkwardly reached up, putting his arms around the two young demi-Saiyans, holding them in an unfamiliar embrace. His eyes widened in shock when he suddenly had two little boys in his lap, clinging to him.

"I'm fine brats," he muttered when he finally found his voice.

Goku smiled. Those were the first words Vegeta had spoken in more than an hour. The prince looked like he was at a loss - it was obvious that he didn't hold Trunks like this often. But Vegeta with Goten - well it was only confirming his suspicions - the prince did care about both of the boys even if he wasn't sure how to show it.

Vegeta turned to look at Goten, "Brat, shouldn't you be crushing your father - not me?"

Goten pulled back and turned his head to look at his father. "Daddy!" he said, smiling, launching himself into Goku's arms.

Trunks released his death grip on Vegeta's neck to stare at him. Vegeta blinked at the serious blue eyes, recognizing the unsmiling expression that usually looked back at him from his mirror.

"Are you really okay Dad?" he asked.

Vegeta matched his stern expression with one of his own. "I said I was fine, brat. Don't make me repeat myself."

Trunks grinned and Vegeta smirked at him.

Meanwhile, Goten whispered to his father, "Daddy, what was wrong with Vegeta?"

"He was sick - running a fever - like you were a couple of weeks ago," Goku answered him quietly.

"Gross!" Goten exclaimed, squirming free to go stand in front of Vegeta. "Hey, Vegeta, did you puke a lot too?"

"Oh man!" Trunks said, getting up and turning to his friend. "Last time you were sick you were hurling all over."

"Blowing chunks!"

"Barfing!"

"Spewing!"

"Brats!" Vegeta growled, rising to his feet. "Enough!"

Goten and Trunks giggled, trying to hide behind each other.

"And what in the hell is the matter with you, Kakarott?" Vegeta asked, glaring at the younger Saiyan.

Goku was grinning, doing his best not to laugh. He just shook his head and snorted.

Vegeta crossed his arms and smirked.

"Baka."

Goku smiled and chuckled.

"Hey Goten, where are your mother and Rezu? You didn't leave them to do all the unpacking, did you?" he asked, turning back to the animal, handing Vegeta a large piece.

"They said we could come over," Goten answered, holding his hands out. "Gimme some."

"Excuse me?" Goku asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Gimme some please?"

"Idiot," Trunks said, smacking his friend in the back of the head. "That's not how you ask for something."

"Ow!" Goten complained, rubbing the back of his head. He turned and shoved Trunks.

Trunks stepped away and smirked. "Watch, I'll show you."

"Oh yeah?"

Trunks went to stand in front of Goku, aware that he was under his father's watchful eye.

"Goku, may I please have some meat?" he asked, ignoring Goten's razzing.

"Of course, Trunks. Here," Goku said, tearing off a sizeable chunk.

"Thank you, Goku," he said, turning to Goten and sticking out his tongue.

"Hey, no fair!" Goten whined, trying to take Trunks' food away from him.

"Goten!" Goku exclaimed. "That is enough! Get over here! NOW!"

Vegeta blinked. He couldn't remember ever hearing Kakarott raise his voice at his children.

Goten went to stand in front of his father, staring at his feet. Goku knelt in front of him and rested his hands on his shoulders.

"Goten, look at me," he said, softly.

Goten looked up at his father, pouting.

"I know you are all wound up, but that is no excuse for bad manners. Or making fun of someone who is using good manners. I know you know better. Your mother and I have taught you how to behave, and so has Vegeta. Imagine how this looks to him."

"I'm sorry," Goten mumbled.

"I know you are. I want you to go apologize to Vegeta and then you can come back and ask for food again."

"Do I have to?" Goten moaned.

"Goten," Goku said, warningly.

"Yes, sir." He walked, head down, scuffing his feet, to where Vegeta was sitting.

Vegeta looked up from where he sat listening to his son. Kakarott was watching Goten coming his way. He wondered what Kakarott had said to the little brat - if Trunks had acted that way he would have kicked his ass.

He stared at the little Kakarott-clone, waiting to see what he would do or say.

" I'm sorry, Vegeta," Goten whispered.

"Speak up boy. I can't hear you. Talk to me, not the ground," Vegeta demanded.

"I'm sorry, Vegeta," Goten repeated, looking at him.

So this was what Kakarott had said to the brat. Well, he could help with this.

"What are you sorry for, boy? Are you just saying it? Do you know what you did wrong?"

Goten sighed. He hated it when Vegeta did this to him. He made him say what he did wrong when they trained or sparred, too. There was no getting out of it, either. He'd just glare at you until he was satisfied. Goten glanced over at Trunks, relieved to see he wasn't laughing at him. There was nothing to do but suck it up and get it over with.

"I was rude when I asked for food. I made fun of Trunks when he was polite. I tried to steal his food from him."

"Apology accepted, brat. Now, tell me how you are going to ask your father for something to eat," Vegeta said, keeping a stern expression, resisting the urge to smirk.

"Could I please have some meat, Dad?" Goten answered.

"That will do. But you better apologize to him, too," Vegeta advised.

An hour or so later, there was nothing left but bones and the skin that Goten had asked for very politely.

TBC
@@@@@@@@@@@@@