Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence, rape, angst. A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don’t like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won’t mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta’s life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta’s past? Yaoi – G/V, R/V, Yuri – CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don’t own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 19 – Shadows

“Soooo Goku…,” Chichi began, when they were finally alone. The kids were upstairs, supposedly packing up Trunks’ stuff so he could go home tomorrow, but she could hear the explosions of a video game. Rezu had gotten Vegeta to come with her – she said she needed help with something in the car, but Chichi suspected Rezu had other motives. Her girlfriend had been distracted during their trip, and Chichi was pretty sure she knew what was bothering her.

“Tell me,” she continued, “How did my plan work? Do you think you and Vegeta will get together?”

Goku couldn’t help it – he beamed.

She stared at him a minute before letting out a whoop. “It worked?! What happened? Come on – you’ve got to tell me!”

“Well…we…” he stammered, suddenly shy, rubbing his scar.

“Is he a good kisser?” She could hardly contain her excitement. She hadn’t expected Goku to do something this quickly.

“Yeah,” he grinned, remembering.

“What else? Come on Goku, you owe me,” she demanded, poking him in the chest.

Goku smirked and gave a little leer, his tail swishing behind him.

Chichi knew how seldom he actually *leered* - it was one of her favorite expressions – and she knew exactly what it meant. She gasped with delight. “Already? Really? You and Vegeta? That’s great!” She hugged Goku, extremely happy for him.

“Thanks, Chi,” he laughed, picking her up and spinning her around.

“So tell me, Goku,” she asked, laughing. “Who was uke?”

“Chichi!” Goku nearly dropped her. He was shocked to hear a question like that coming from her. He set her down. “When did you become such a hentai?” His cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

“I’ve always been one,” she laughed. “I’ve just broadened my interests.”

“Well, I’m not going to tell you,” he said stubbornly.

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Party pooper.”

“Pervert,” he grinned.

“Look who’s talking,” she laughed.

Chichi poured herself a cup of coffee before asking her ex about what she really wanted to know.

“Seriously, Goku, what happened to Vegeta? I’m not talking about sex. The boys were nearly hysterical. I could have killed you when I realized I couldn’t reach you. And don’t try to feed me that crap about him being sick. It was more than that.” Chichi sat at the kitchen table, waving Goku to take a seat.

Goku’s cheerful smile vanished as he slid into a chair across from her. He held his head in his hands, elbows on the table.

“It was bad, Chi – really bad. His ki dropped so low I was afraid he was going to die. I had to keep giving him mine. He was burning up and delirious. The nightmares were the worst – he kept reliving some bad things and I felt most of them.”

Chichi knew that he was extremely sensitive to emotions, especially Vegeta’s. The possibility of him having the ability to share dreams was something she hadn’t considered, but Goku had surprised her more than once with unexpected talents.

“Like what?” she asked.

“I – I can’t tell you. He doesn’t know that I know about them. And I don’t know how I’m going to tell him. He’s finding it hard enough to trust anyone, including me. I’m afraid he will think I was prying or taking advantage.”

“I understand. I won’t bring it up.”

Goku nodded – he knew he could trust her not to say anything.

“The kids might be a different matter – they knew something was really wrong with his ki. I don’t know how long we’ll be able to hide a problem from them.”

“I don’t know – I’m not sure what Vegeta will want them to hear. You know his pride – he doesn’t want anyone to think he needs help.”

“But I don’t understand. He had been so…well…happy…at least for him. What changed? Is this all because of Bulma?” She said the name with venom. Over the years, she had come to rely on Vegeta for advice and assistance with her sons’ issues growing up. He never really smiled, but his anger seemed to fade with time. She had seen how much Vegeta enjoyed working with the boys.

“No…this has been building since Buu. I think that Bulma was just the last straw. Something is eating him up from the inside. He’s having problems dealing with it and he’s really depressed.”

“Depressed? How depressed? Suicidal?”

“No, but that’s only because he’s a…No.” Goku stopped. To tell Chichi that Vegeta was afraid would have been a betrayal of his prince. He was no fool – he knew that Vegeta would have killed himself if not for the knowledge that Frieza was waiting for him in hell – and right now that scared the prince even more than death.

“That’s a relief.”

Chichi sipped her coffee, thinking. She scowled when she realized it was cold.

“But Goku…what happened to his ki? That’s not normal is it? To lose it like that?”

Goku brought his tail up and fingered the tip, trying to think of a way to explain so Chichi would understand.

“That’s kind of what happened to me in Otherworld - although it wasn’t as bad. I have a theory – well, some of it is King Kai’s theory. It seems to apply to Saiyans and a couple of other races – not humans. Friends, family, followers…they all feed our ki.”

He hesitated, frowning.

”I think that’s why I got so strong – because I have so many people who support me. Gohan has most of my friends and a lot of his own – so he is even stronger. I’m not sure, but it might also be influenced by the strength of the supporters. I felt like I had lost my friends – I got lonely - and my ki dropped. Olibu reminded me, and my ki came back – and it got stronger.

“Vegeta was already powerful, and as a popular prince, he should have been stronger than any other Saiyan. But Frieza took that from him. Vegeta lost everyone who might have been able to help him – he has never had many friends…”

“We’re his friends!” Chichi protested.

“He either doesn’t realize that or doesn’t believe it. He’s been alone for most of his life – he’s only had himself to rely on. And now something has shaken his confidence, and he thinks he is alone in the world. As far as he is concerned, all he has left is Trunks, and he isn’t too sure about that. I’m trying to make sure he knows that he has me, but it hasn’t been easy.”

“Have you told him this theory yet?”

“No…not yet. I don’t know if it will make things better or worse. You know how important strength is to him. Imagine what it would be like if I told him he is not as strong as he wants to be because he is not popular.”

“But that’s not what you said!”

“No, but that is what he will hear. He might decide it is hopeless and quit trying.”

Chichi reached across the table to take his hand.

“What can we do to help?”

Goku sighed. “I think…just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Be there – be his friend. I don’t think there’s anything else you can do right now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vegeta glared down at Rezu, who was sitting on a bench under a tree.

“What did you really drag me out here for?” he growled at the woman, tail snapping behind him.

“I wanted to talk to you about Trunks,” she answered, shoving her bangs back.

“What did the brat do? Did he misbehave?”

Rezu waved off the remark. “He was fine. He behaved as well any boy his age does.”

“Then what about him?”

Rezu sighed. She’d only known him a few years, but it seemed Vegeta always approached the new or unfamiliar with aggression, which made it hard to have a serious discussion.

“I’m going back inside,” he growled impatiently, turning to leave.

Rezu leapt up and dashed in front of him.

“Wait Vegeta, please. It’s important. Sit down? Please?”

Vegeta studied her for a moment before grudgingly taking a seat, tail coiled around his waist, arms crossed.

Rezu sat next to him and took a deep breath, trying to decide how to start. Knowing his short fuse it was better to say it quickly and to the point.

“Vegeta, have you or Bulma spoken to Trunks about abductors and molesters?”

He turned to stare at her in horror. ::No! Not my son too!:: “Molest? What in the hell are you talking about? Did someone…”

“No, no. It’s not like that,” she answered quickly.

She frowned, remembering – she had been on some bad calls lately. They had responded a little over a week ago to a call for her station, only to find a police officer weeping over the body of a little girl who had been raped and murdered. That night she had just sobbed while Chichi held and petted her. Rezu wanted to protect her family – and she included Trunks and Vegeta in that family.

“It’s just that there have been quite a few kids attacked lately, and Trunks attracts a lot of admirers. I want to be sure that he knows what to do if something happens.”

“He is Saiyan, woman. He is stronger than any ningen. No one could touch him.”

~~He is only a demi-Saiyan. You are a Saiyan and you couldn’t stop it.~~

“They lie to the kids, Vegeta. Tell them their parents are hurt and they will take them to them, ask for help finding a lost pet, offer them gifts…”

~~Maybe you would have cooperated more if there had been gifts.~~

“Trunks is too smart for that,” he snapped.

“Of course he’s smart, but Vegeta, he is a nice kid. Granted, he isn’t as trusting of everyone as Goten, but he likes to help. It makes him feel important. Add to that the fact that he is very exotic looking with your features, his unusual hair, and the tail – he attracts attention.” She was disturbed when she noticed how upset and horrified Vegeta was looking. This was more than the reaction of a concerned parent. She continued with some trepidation.

“I was going to talk to Goten – I’ll talk to Trunks too, if you are okay with that. There are some sick bastards out there, and I think he should know what to do and what kind of contact he shouldn’t allow.”

~~You allowed *all* kinds of contact, didn’t you Vegeta?~~

Vegeta was finding it hard to breathe. Frieza’s voice was laughing at him – he could hardly hear what the woman was saying. She kept talking, but the words meant nothing. He kept picturing his son – his beautiful son – crying, pinned under the lizard while he…

~~He would scream, wouldn’t he?~~

--Stop!—

~~Wondering the whole time why his father would allow this to happen to him?~~

--I wouldn’t allow it.—

~~ His father who failed him yet again.~~

--I would protect him.—

~~How? You are nothing but a weak little monkey!~~

“Stop!” he shouted, fists clenched in his lap.

~~He’ll hate you – just like you hated your father. Admit it. You were glad when he died.~~

“Stop!!” he screamed, eyes closed, hands over his ears, trying to block out what he feared was the truth – and still his doubts continued to crow at him.

Rezu had stopped speaking when he first shouted. She put her hand on his shoulder and called his name, trying to get his attention. She was too close to do anything when Vegeta attacked, hitting her in the chest with a ki blast. She was thrown some distance away, landing hard, barely conscious.

~~Maybe you should see if you can trade with him – a little lavender monkey prince to take your place.~~

Goku sped out of the house when he felt Vegeta’s ki change, already beside his prince before Rezu hit the ground. Chichi had seen the alarm in Goku’s face and was close on his heels. Goten and Trunks weren’t far behind, demanding to know what was going on.

“Goten,” Chichi barked from where she knelt next to Rezu. “Senzu beans. Our room. Jewelry box. Green bottle. Now!” Goten zoomed back to the house.

“Dad, what happened?” Trunks asked as he ran towards his father. He skidded to a halt a few feet away when Goku held up his hand and ordered him to stay where he was.

~~Your father did it, why not you?~~

“No! You can’t have him! Leave him alone!” Vegeta cried. He couldn’t get through! Frieza couldn’t hear him – wouldn’t stop. The lizard was right – he couldn’t protect his son.

Goku put his arm around Vegeta’s shoulder, anticipating an attack like the one that had caught Rezu. He was afraid to let anyone else get close for fear Vegeta would hurt them too. This was worse than the nightmares. Vegeta was bristling – he was angry, afraid…vengeful – frustrated? His ki had spiked for a second – Rezu was lucky to be alive. He must have held back at the last possible instant.

“Vegeta,” Goku said, pulling the unresisting prince closer, “It’s okay. I’m here. He’s safe. They don’t have him.” Vegeta wanted to protect someone, but whom?

~~Why should you care? You are Saiyan. They don’t care about their children. Look at Goku. Look at you.~~

“No, I’m not like them! You can’t have him!” Vegeta howled at his invisible opponent. He couldn’t make them listen! They wouldn’t stop!

A seeming eternity later…it had to have been only a few minutes, but it felt longer…Goku was fighting to keep from crying himself. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Vegeta’s ki was plummeting. He had started out feeding his own ki to the prince, but he needed so much – he had finally opened up and let Vegeta draw whatever he wanted from him. He had talked to the prince, held him, caressed him with his tail… He had even stroked Vegeta’s own tail, trying to soothe him, but it hadn’t worked. Vegeta didn’t seem to hear or feel anything – he just kept talking to someone – begging…pleading…

He looked around helplessly, trying to think of something. He was relieved to see Chichi and Goten helping Rezu sit up – he must have returned with the Senzu. Trunks hadn’t come closer, but Goku saw the terrified boy make a hesitant step forward when he looked at him.

“Dad? What’s wrong?” Trunks asked.

“Not yet. Stay there until I say it is okay,” he said to Trunks, shaking his head before turning back to Vegeta.

He could feel so much anguish pouring from his prince, but he couldn’t understand the cause. He couldn’t get through to break Vegeta free from whatever terror had its grips on him now. Maybe if he knew what it was from… He sighed with regret. There was only one thing left to try – and he didn’t want to do it. He knew only one way to get through to the prince – and Vegeta would probably hate him for it.

“I’m sorry Vegeta,” he whispered. “I don’t know what else to do.” He pulled him closer and gently placed a hand on his prince’s head, closed his eyes, and pushed.

He was surprised for a moment – this wasn’t like when he had read Krillin’s memories on Namek – then he just learned about events. This seemed more like a dream – he was even in another place. He could hear chanting whispers and laughter, but he couldn’t make out the words. Where was Vegeta? This made no sense – he just wanted to know what had happened. Vegeta should be right here. Why couldn’t he find him? He closed his eyes, concentrating, and when he opened them again he was somewhere else.

It was like his nightmare. But he wasn’t the one trapped in the crystal cage – it was Vegeta. He saw the prince pounding on the walls, and could see his mouth moving, but he couldn’t hear him. He looked in the direction Vegeta was staring and saw – Trunks! Oh GodS! It was Vegeta’s memories of hell – but they were happening to Trunks this time. He ran forward to try to stop Frieza, but he just passed through them, having no effect. The silence was eerie, broken only by the sound of Frieza’s voice.

~~He is so tight Vegeta. He might even be a better fuck than you are.~~

Goku turned to look at Vegeta in despair. He didn’t know what to do. Vegeta had beaten his hands bloody trying to break free, tears of rage and anguish streaming down his face. He had to free his prince somehow.

~~He screams so nicely, doesn’t he?~~

Goku growled. Now he could hear that fucking lizard’s voice – taunting his prince, laughing at him. Even dead, it seemed that Frieza haunted Vegeta. Since he couldn’t save Vegeta’s nightmare vision of Trunks, he had to figure out a way to free Vegeta. He went to the cage, talking to him, willing his prince to hear what he said.

“Vegeta, this isn’t real. It is a dream. That isn’t your son. Trunks is safe. He’s waiting for you. All you have to do is open your eyes and look. He is standing right in front of you.”

He could feel – he could almost hear – Vegeta’s screams as the dream Trunks’ arms were twisted and broken. Goku’s ki was being depleted and he struggled to slow the drain. He felt Vegeta’s ki spiraling out of control and knew he was running out of time.

“Stop hurting my SON!”

Goku swung at the prison. He had heard Vegeta. He looked again – there was one tiny crack in the wall.

He felt himself getting uncomfortably hot, and wondered what was happening in the real world. Here in this hell in Vegeta’s mind, the prince was starting to glow.

~~You can’t stop me, little monkey.~~

“Get your hands off of him!”

“I’m here, Vegeta. I’ll get you out of there.” Goku kicked at the wall, making the break spider through the crystal.

~~You could never stop me.~~

Vegeta’s ki was building, trapped in the cage, making the crystal vibrate and shake, the cracks spreading out and covering the surface. The heat was becoming unbearable and Goku realized he was in real pain. Whatever he was seeing here had to be happening outside.

He tried to look…tried to split his attention – and failed. He pushed harder, trying to learn what was happening, but no success. Vegeta continued to drain his ki, pouring it into his prison, and Goku couldn’t stop him anymore. He was trapped here in Vegeta’s hell – and until he could free the prince he couldn’t escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Piccolo cursed in words he hadn’t realized he had known as he flew to the Son house. ::Probably got them from Nail.::

Ever since Vegeta had passed out at his waterfall he had been monitoring him closely. He hated to admit it, but he liked the arrogant little prick. Gohan had called them ‘drinking buddies’ – whatever the hell that was.

He had felt Vegeta’s ki swinging a few days ago, but he had also sensed Son’s ki nearby, so he hadn’t been too concerned. For all he knew, he’d show up offering to help and the hormonal idiot would growl at him. Stupid Saiyans – hormones turn on, brains turn off – worse than teenagers. At least they didn’t go into heat…

Nameks on the other hand… He was glad he was past that hell. Dende had become unbearable. Mr. Popo had developed a twitch, which got worse every time Dende had come around. Fortunately for everyone, Gohan and Videl had volunteered to *help*. He snickered – he knew they were just horny – but he didn’t care why. He’d finally shoved the little twerp into the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with the giggling pair. He gave an evil smirk. The trio had emerged a few hours later – Dende and Videl grinning like damned fools – Gohan, on the other hand, seemed tired and jumpy. He so did not want to know the details.

A few minutes ago, Vegeta’s ki had begun skidding downward and he was afraid they were going to lose him this time. He’d quickly left the lookout to check on Prince Asshole. Vegeta had made a ki attack, but it hadn’t been returned, so it was unlikely there was a fight going on.

So what the hell was Goku doing? He was right there. He had to feel Vegeta’s ki drop. Goku’s ki rose…returned to normal… combined with Vegeta’s. ::Bastards! If I came all this way just because they are screwing I will kill them both!::

“Piccolo!” Gohan shouted, catching up to his mentor. “What’s going on with Dad and Vegeta?”

::How in the hell should I know?:: he thought. “I’m going to find out,” he said.

::Fuck! Now what are those Saiyan idiots doing?::

Vegeta’s ki began climbing, Goku’s dropping. The change was more than Goku supporting Vegeta – it felt like the prince was absorbing the younger man’s ki.

“We have to hurry.”

~~~~~~~

“Vegeta, please…” Goku pleaded. “You have to stop.”

He was burning – it felt like his blood was spreading fire through him. He was in so much pain. He could hardly stand anymore. All he could hear was Vegeta screaming at Frieza to stop. If he was in this much agony, what was it like for the prince?

The cage was cracked – if it were real it would have collapsed long ago. Now it was glowing, pulsing…oh GodS it was growing. He was in danger of being absorbed into it, and no one would be able to hear him or know that he was here.

~~~~~~~

“Damn it!” Piccolo swore. It was not what he had feared, it was *worse*. A huge flaming ball of ki surrounded Goku and Vegeta. He recognized the form – it would expand some more before the core would collapse in on itself. Then it would explode – wiping out everything for miles. This was the attack Vegeta had used against Buu when he died.

“Gohan, get the kids and get out of here! I’ll get the women!” He flew down and scooped up Chichi and Rezu, ignoring their screams of protest.

“Damn it, Piccolo,” Chichi shouted as she punched ineffectually at his chest. “Put me down! Go help Goku and Vegeta!”

“I can’t,” he growled. “I can’t get close enough. No one can.”

“Piccolo,” Rezu asked quietly, “What’s going to happen?”

He looked back to see Gohan following him, struggling to keep a grip on two crying boys.

“Unless one of them gets control, they are both going to die.”

TBC

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