Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence, rape, angst, sap. A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V, Yuri - CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 27 - Companion

Vegeta almost felt good enough to laugh out loud as he headed home at the end of the day. He doubted it would last - it was a near manic swing from his on-going depression - but it was good and he was going to enjoy it, damn it.

After he left the woman he had checked the location of Kakarott's ki and realized he was using his Instant Transmission to deliver the invitations. He was sure he could have gotten Kakarott to come to him - or stay and wait for him - but he didn't want to see his idiot friends. Every time he was around them, things became tense and uncomfortable, and he just didn't want to deal with them today.

He was actually pleased with his conversation with the woman. He had enjoyed making the scarred ningen squirm. He already knew one thing he was going to make the woman give him. Vegeta chuckled when he realized she didn't know he was with Kakarott - he couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she found out. He was going to make her give them a house with a large, decadently sized bathroom - and a hell of a lot more hot water.

Since Kakarott was busy, he had tracked down the Namek and harassed him until he agreed to spar with him. He ignored the voice that kept trying to convince him that Piccolo couldn't be trusted - was going to attack him for real. The Namek noticed that his ki kept shifting and finally stopped and asked him about it - said it felt familiar and he almost recognized it. And just like when he was with Kakarott - the voice was silent.

He set that aside as a mystery to be solved later, smirking as he realized the idiot in his head was going to leave him alone for a while. He took full advantage of the temporary silence to focus on the fight. It had been exhilarating - he hadn't felt this strong in months. He knew Piccolo was holding back, but today he didn't care. Neither one had fought at full strength - instead it was more of an exercise - a battle of form and technique.

When they finally took a break he was sweating, bruised, bloody - and grinning like a damn fool. He had given him crap about Gotenks, and the equally exhausted Namek gave him crap about his boyfriend.

~~~~

"I told you before, that is a stupid term. Kakarott is not a boy."

Piccolo just smirked at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Elf-boy? What is that look supposed to mean?"

"So? What do you call him then? Got any cutesy names for him? Little Carrot-kins?"

"You are such an asshole," he said with a laugh. "Kakarott is my friend."

The Namek grinned at him a moment. "Good. I'm glad to hear it."

Vegeta stretched out on the ground, watching the drifting clouds.

"It does make me wonder though," Piccolo finally continued, "What about me? Or Chichi?"

Vegeta propped himself up on his elbows to look at the smirking Namek, suddenly feeling like he was being set up.

"What about you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well? Are we your friends?"

"What's the matter?" Vegeta asked, grinning, "Feeling left out?"

"Asshole. Answer the question."

"Yeah, Greenie - we're friends."

"So since you sleep with your friends you are going to have sex with Chichi and me?" Piccolo said, with a positively evil smile on his face.

Vegeta stared at him and shuddered. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Piccolo laughed at the horrified expression. "Calm down, Matchstick. I'm just teasing you. Maybe you should stick with boyfriend. Wouldn't want you to give Chichi the wrong idea."

He relaxed again and smirked at the Namek. "Pervert. I wouldn't screw you if you paid me."

"Sorry Shorty, you missed your chance. Once in a lifetime opportunity."

"Oh yeah, you out in the woods fucking any lizard that got in range. Great opportunity. Sorry I missed it," he replied sarcastically.

Piccolo snorted.

"So how long before your boyfriend comes home?"

He suddenly had a flash of inspiration. "Companion."

Piccolo chuckled. "Fine. Companion. I'm still going to use 'boyfriend' in front of him just to see the idiot grin on his face."

"Play nice, or I'll get my boyfriend to beat you up," he said, grinning back.

~~~~

He had thoroughly enjoyed himself. His ki was higher than it had been in months - he was positive he could ascend to Super Saiyan now, but he wanted to save that as a surprise for Kakarott.

He finally did laugh when he remembered Kakarott's expression this morning. It had been so easy - it had cost him nothing - and he had beamed.

He had never felt like this in his life - he trusted Kakarott so much - it was safe for him to try things he had hardly dared to before. Even with Radditz he had to keep such a tight rein of control - he couldn't let himself go as much as he wanted to for fear he would make a mistake and the lizard would find out.

He had seen the joy on Kakarott's face and done something he had been wanting to do - that kiss...GodS that kiss. He had surprised himself with how right it felt - but he knew it was safe - and he had opened up his bond enough to know exactly what he was doing to Kakarott and relished every minute of it.

~~Go ahead monkey - stay with him, *love* him if you are able. Give him what you deprived Radditz - you will regret it in the end.~~

The voice was back since he had left the Namek, but its tone had changed. It was louder than yesterday, but it wasn't voicing his doubts as much as it was trying to convince him to be violent - to hurt people. And it sounded pissed at him - which was ridiculous, because he wasn't angry with himself - he was rather pleased with the way the day had gone.

~~What's wrong with you, monkey? Why do you keep resisting? Why can't you ever admit to yourself that you love someone?~~

Now this was a change. The voice had been trying to keep him away from Kakarott for months - and now it wanted him to admit that he.... he didn't - he couldn't. Something held him back...some unexplained fear burned in the back of his mind.

He had almost told Radditz one day, almost forgetting that someone might hear. He wasn't sure what it meant, but he knew he was important to him. He had realized he couldn't picture his life without him - Radditz was the only one who kept him sane through Frieza's tortures. He had started to say - hell, he didn't know what he was going to say - something, anything.

Radditz had looked at him as if he knew and had shaken his head. 'Don't say it my prince. I know.' And then Radditz had bent over him, kissing him, rumbling deep in his chest.

::The voice was wrong. Radditz did know.::

A few days later the lizard had sent Radditz away on a solo mission. And he - he had been ordered to report to Frieza's doctors. He remembered very little of what they had done. He had been locked in a tiny cell, drugged, struggling to block his mind so the lizard's people wouldn't be able to get inside his head. They were after something and he only knew he had to resist them. He was afraid of what they would find - afraid they would find out how he felt about Radditz, afraid they would finally destroy who he was, afraid they had finally figured out something that would allow Frieza to own and control him. It was one of the darkest, most terrifying times in his life. He knew he hadn't been able to block everything - they had gotten through his barriers and the lizard owned another piece of him.

He had been so relieved when Radditz came back and he was released. A horrified expression had crossed the large Saiyan's face when he realized Vegeta thought he had only been gone a few days, not the months he had been away. They both knew the lizard had deliberately affected his memory and Vegeta was shaken. Frieza had been trying to break him for years - had he finally found a way? The timing of his release and Radditz' return was too perfect - it was obviously deliberate and they weree left to try to figure out what he was up to. Vegeta was frightened, but he tried not to show it. The first chance he had he had pressed him self against the larger man's heat, crushing their lips together, trying to prove to himself that the lizard hadn't broken him. He still needed him, wanted him - but something had changed. He was suddenly afraid - was this what they had done?

~~No, you frozen little monkey. They didn't do that to you, you did it to yourself. What a coward - you never acknowledged that you loved anyone - even to yourself. Not Radditz, or Bulma, or even your son.~~

--No. I can't.-

~~But why pet?~~

--It isn't safe.-

~~Not safe? That is ridiculous. What is the worse that could happen?~~

It was there at the edge of his dreams, almost touchable, almost tangible. But to know - to understand... It would require letting himself be buried in his darkest nightmares.

--I don't know. I should...I almost do. Butt...I can't.-

~~Not even for Goku?~~

--Especially not him...--

He growled at himself, angry because he had started fighting with the idiot voice again. He had sworn he was going to ignore it. Granted, it was getting louder and more insistent and intrusive - sometimes it was like the fucking lizard was shouting in his ear - but he had accidentally discovered two sanctuaries from its aggravating yammering. He smirked as he realized he was going home to Kakarott...his Companion...he liked that term, at least for now...where the annoying voice would leave him alone for awhile.

He arrived at the house, surprised to hear the blare of the television. Kakarott didn't watch much TV - and when he did he usually kept the volume down, the commercials being too loud for sensitive Saiyan ears.

He was going to ask the younger Saiyan how things had gone, but decided to first try using his side of the bond. Kakarott always knew how he felt, but except for a few minutes this morning he had never tried to reciprocate - he always acted like he didn't care how the other was feeling.

He entered the room, only to be nearly overwhelmed by the sorrow and hurt pouring off of the other Saiyan. Kakarott was sitting on the couch, head bowed, eyes closed, his tail hanging lifelessly next to him. Vegeta felt a momentary panic and quickly checked the locations of everyone's ki - they were safe, nothing was wrong - so why was Kakarott so upset?

Vegeta sat next to him, facing him, fighting with himself not to block his side of the bond. He hurt - Kakarott's distress was almost causing him physical pain. He wondered for a moment if the younger Saiyan knew how to close off his side, because if Kakarott felt emotions like this pouring from him all the time, he didn't know how he could stand it. He reached past Kakarott with his tail, picking up the remote control that had slipped out of his hand and fallen to the floor and turned off the television, making the room silent. Kakarott still hadn't reacted to him - he didn't know if he even knew he was there.

"Kakarott," he said quietly, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Vegeta!"

He felt the younger Saiyan tensing under his hand, and a wave of embarrassment washing through him. Kakarott tried to rise, but he held him in place. He knew that not long ago he would have laughed at him - insulted him - for acting like this.

"Kakarott, what is wrong? What happened?" he asked, watching him with concern.

"It's fine. It's nothing. Nothing's wrong," he said, staring at the floor.

Vegeta almost sniffed his amusement. Kakarott didn't let him get away with a response like that - there was no way in hell he was going to let the baka get away with it. He slid his fingers over Kakarott's chin, turning his head until he faced him, fighting the sudden urge to pull him close and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. He fought it only because while it might make Kakarott feel better for a moment, he wouldn't find out what had upset him so much.

"That's not true, Kakarott," he said, entwining their tails, letting himself make a comforting purr. "I can feel it through our bond. You might as well tell me - it is too late to try to hide it."

"You'll just think I'm being weak and stupid," he mumbled.

Vegeta couldn't help himself this time - he did expel an amused breath. "Kakarott, in the entire time I've known you, have I ever said you were weak?"

"No, but..."

::The hell with this.:: Vegeta hated the way Kakarott was feeling. Hated how much it made him hurt. Wanted it to stop. He wrapped his hand around the back of the younger Saiyan's neck and pulled him close, crushing their mouths together. He took advantage of Kakarott's surprise and slid his tongue past his lips, exploring and tasting him.

Kakarott began to purr and he let his own get deeper in response. But when Kakarott moved his hand, he captured it, keeping it trapped. He finally, breathlessly pulled away and watched as deep brown eyes were slowly opened to stare at him in confusion.

"Vegeta?"

"Tell me Kakarott. I want to know. Who upset you so much?" he said, letting his fingers brush over cheeks that he now saw were tear-stained. He absent-mindedly wondered if he would have to kill someone for doing this to him.

"Krillin."

~~~~~

Goku was almost done with Chichi's errand, saving his best friend for last. He had kept a watch on Vegeta's ki all day, slightly concerned over what might happen with Bulma. Vegeta had left Capsule Corp while he was talking to Tien, and was with Piccolo by the time he was done there. Goku knew he was safe there and grinned to himself when he felt Vegeta's ki climbing as he and Piccolo sparred.

The prince had surprised him this morning. The teasing about his inability to make breakfast was gentle and friendly - it wasn't meant to hurt his feelings. Granted, Vegeta had said some nasty things to him in the past, but Goku could tell he was trying to change. He had always wondered what Vegeta would be like when he was happy - but he had never expected a smile like that. Smiles were a rare thing with Vegeta - he realized that...and this morning his prince was totally relaxed.

He had been shocked though, when Vegeta had curled fingers into his shirt and pulled him down, burying his hand in his wild spikes and kissed him. Vegeta kissed him! GodS! Goku had initiated most of their kisses - if Vegeta did it was usually soft and tentative. This...his tail had curled - his toes had curled... This was the kiss he had fantasized about during his dreams - this was the man of his dreams - the heat and fire that was his prince... He was sure he was going to pass out - he suddenly understood what swoon meant. The prince owned him, controlled him - he made a whimper of complaint when Vegeta's lips left his. He could hardly stand - his knees had gotten weak - he was breathless and shaking as his prince smirked before leaving him.

His prince - he grinned to himself as he suddenly realized what had changed. He knew why Vegeta's ki had gone up - sometime over the past two days he had really accepted they were together. Vegeta had finally realized he wasn't alone.

It still bothered him the way Vegeta's ki would shift and waver when they were apart. It happened so often it was almost normal now, and it worried him. Ever since they had been burned, Vegeta's ki had kept an undercurrent of his own - it wasn't much, but it was enough for Gohan to notice and comment on it. What he didn't like - what scared him - was that spike of ki that flared wheneverr that damn voice made itself known. He hadn't realized at first that he had been responding to the voice - it was so strong it was as if Vegeta had spoken aloud. But ever since he had gotten so upset over the fucking thing, he had noticed that Vegeta's ki was stable when he was close to him. Sometimes a frightened expression would cross Vegeta's face and the prince would stop whatever he was doing and just come sit by him. He never commented on it - he knew why Vegeta was doing it and accepted that it was something that wasn't mentioned. Still, it bothered him - he didn't understand how something like that would happen. Even stranger - if he hid his ki so that Vegeta didn't know he was there he could sometimes hear Frieza's voice again and see his ki change. He was getting worried - the voice was louder and more insistent now - and it said horrible things - and Vegeta argued with it. He really didn't know if Vegeta was slowly going insane or if Frieza had done something to him that was still affecting him.

He was still mulling over what to do - talking to Piccolo being high on the list - when he arrived at Krillin's. His friend was outside, training and showing off for his little girl. Eighteen had come over and rescued Goku from Marron as she tried to pull his tail, taking her inside. They spent a few minutes talking, Krillin demonstrating a new ki attack he had developed, and Goku had handed him the invitation.

"What's this?" Krillin asked as he opened the envelope.

"Invitation. For Chichi and Rezu's wedding," he answered, grinning. He was glad that Chichi was happy - he had caused her a lot of grief in the past. She and Rezu were good together, and he just felt like he had a much bigger family.

Krillin froze, staring at him in shock. "Chichi and Rezu? Goku - they're both women!"

"Yeah?" Goku answered, confused. "Of course they are."

"You mean Chichi is a fucking dyke? That's sick. No wonder you dumped her," the monk sputtered. "And the bitch has the balls to announce it - to tell everyone what a pervert she is?"

Goku wasn't sure how to react. Krillin had gotten upset before when he had made a reference to men having sex in Otherworld, but he had never expected a reaction like this. He just stood, open-mouthed and speechless.

"It's bad enough the damn queers are taking over everything, now they want to get married like they're normal. I can't believe you let her near Gohan and Goten. Everyone knows the fucking fags are all rapists and pedophiles. Thank Kami I never left Marron alone with the sick bitch!"

Goku couldn't help himself. He felt the growl building in his chest, his tail bushing out and snapping.

"What are you talking about Krillin?" he asked, struggling to remain calm. "Chichi and Rezu have been together for years - it hasn't been a secret. Why are you acting like this now? Chichi is a lesbian. So what? She is still the same person you've known for years. And she is not a pedophile!"

"Goku, if I had known I would never have let her near my little girl. The damn fags are diseased - they deserve it - punishment for being the sick twisted bastards they are."

He was so angry, so close to going to Super Saiyan - he could feel the ki dancing around his fingertips, charging the fur on his tail.

"Krillin," he growled, "You are wrong. Chichi is a good person. Rezu is a good person..." He bent down, leaning closer to the monk who seemed oblivious to his fury. "What about me...? What do you think about me...?"

"You Goku?" Krillin chuckled. "Hell, you are one of the good guys. She tricked you - it's not your fault you married a fucking dyke."

He fought with himself - he felt the anger rising in him - the same anger that allowed him to ascend the first time..."Krillin," he said, his voice nearly a snarl, "I am one of those fucking fags you hate so much."

Krillin stepped back, his jaw dropped open and he stared at him in shock. He finally snapped his mouth shut and tore the invitation into shreds, dropping it on the ground and stepping on it.

"Get the fuck away from me, you queer son-of-a-bitch. Stay away from my family and me. We aren't friends and you aren't welcome here anymore," the monk commanded, before turning around and walking away.

~~~~~

"How could he do that?" Goku mumbled. Vegeta had listened calmly, quietly, as he told him what happened. Somehow they had shifted on the couch so his arms were wrapped around the prince, his head resting on his shoulder. Vegeta was softly purring and stroking his back.

"We've been friends forever - now he hates me because of who I love?"

"If he cannot accept you for who you are, then he is not your friend, Kakarott."

"I've never...never lost a friend before...not like this..." He didn't know how to deal with Krillin's betrayal - he had never been exposed to so much unreasoning hatred before.

"Did you tell him - about - us?" Vegeta quietly asked.

"He didn't give me a chance," he whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. He knew there were people in the world that thought like this, but he had never met them before. He liked everyone - he didn't care who they were in love with - he didn't understand not liking them because of it. But the idea that his best friend would have nothing to do with him because of it...he couldn't remember ever hurting so much in his entire life. He was so upset he actually wanted to cry - something he never did - but he couldn't be so weak in front of Vegeta.

"Why would I think it is weak, Kakarott? You have seen me cry. Saiyans are passionate and emotional - they shed tears. It is the foolish ningen that say it is a sign of weakness."

Goku held his breath for a moment. He hadn't said that out loud - he wondered if Vegeta realized he was reading his mind.

"Yes Kakarott, I am aware of it. I told you before - we have some type of a bond - I am attempting to use some of it."

Goku shifted so he could gaze into serious dark eyes. He hurt so much he hadn't noticed before, but now that he was paying attention he realized Vegeta was actually trying to comfort him. "What happened? What changed?" he whispered.

"Shorty has always been an idiot. You just noticed it."

Goku made a tiny smile. "No. I meant with you."

Vegeta smirked and coiled their tails together.

"Are you complaining?"

"No," he said, trailing his fingers through ebony flames. "I just never thought..."

"I'm aware of my tendency to be an asshole Kakarott. I have been called one often enough."

Goku purred as Vegeta continued to hold him. "I don't think you are..."

Vegeta chuckled. "I am, Kakarott - and you might as well take advantage of my probably temporary good mood..."

"You aren't as bad as you try to make people think you are. But this isn't right - I'm supposed to be taking care of you..."

"Baka," Vegeta said, stroking his cheek, "Let me do this. Let me take care of you for a change."

"You have. You've saved my life lots of times..."

"No Kakarott that is not what I am talking about. Over the past few months, I have done nothing but use you. You have allowed it - encouraged it...but it hasn't been fair to you. You have become sad and serious, which I do not like. We are - I want us to be - Companions. It won't be easy for me, but I am going to try - I want us to be able to rely on each other."

Goku couldn't control his traitorous tears - he felt one escape as he listened to the prince - his prince - speak. He could feel how deeply Vegeta meant what he said - could hear the capital letter - could feel how important that one word - Companion - was to him.

He just stared at his beautiful Companion; feeling the gushing emotions bubbling up, ready to tell Vegeta how much he loved him. He opened his mouth, about to speak, when Vegeta took control again, pulling him down, burying strong fingers in his hair, tilting his head so the heated tongue could invade his mouth more deeply.

He could feel Vegeta's fire in his head and he didn't care about Krillin anymore. As long as he had his prince he didn't need anyone else.

TBC

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