Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence, rape, angst, sap. A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V, Yuri - CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 35 - Comfort

Goku stopped cutting up the fruit to watch Vegeta cooking the rest of their breakfast. They had finally crawled out of bed when his stomach started growling - it was fine for Vegeta - he had had three Senzu. He, on the other hand, hadn't eaten in hours. The prince had been so...needy...this morning. He was amused when he realized he wasn't a blanket - he was a teddy bear. That was fine by him, since that is what Vegeta needed then.

"Monkey, Kakorr," Vegeta muttered under his breath.

He grinned at the blush that crossed the prince's cheeks. The idea of needing someone to hold embarrassed Vegeta, but that didn't mean he was going to stop.

"Really? Did you have stuffed animals as a kid?" he teased. It was kind of funny how they would only pick up random words and images from each other. Vegeta said they might be able to do more someday - he hoped so. He loved being bonded.

Vegeta glared at him for a moment. "Cubs had toy oozaru," he growled.

Goku got a mental image of a chibi Vegeta dragging a stuffed toy around by the tail and laughed.

"Baka bear," Vegeta smirked.

Even with the playing, he could feel the tension vibrating through the prince that had been temporarily forgotten, but not relieved when they made love. The chestnut tail was coiling and curling with agitation - Goku could feel the question coming and dreaded it.

Vegeta didn't know about the ship yet, even though it was only about a day away. Last night had been stressful and traumatic enough without bringing that up. He should have felt Goten and Trunks though. They fused just minutes ago - sparring with Piccolo, based on the kis.

Vegeta nearly dropped the plates of food on the table. ::Oh shit.:: The prince sat down across from him and scowled.

"Tell me, Kakarott. You are nervous about something."

He sighed.

"Vegeta...have you..." he began, trying to figure out a diplomatic way to tell him. ::Oh, the hell with it.:: "Vegeta, there is a ship headed towards Earth. Piccolo wants us both to stay away. He wants the others - the boys - to help him if there is trouble."

He hesitated, waiting for Vegeta's reaction. He anticipated anger, a demand for an explanation - something forceful. What he got was...silence.

Vegeta pulled his plate closer and began to eat.

"Vegeta?" he asked hesitantly. He seemed more hurt than angry.

Vegeta looked at him with shadowed eyes. He seemed...resigned? "What do you want me to say, Kakarott?"

"I don't..."

Vegeta shook his head and finished eating. "In my current condition I would just get in the way. And they are beneath you, Kakarott. It is time for the next generation to take over - isn't that what you said?"

"Kind of..."

Vegeta pushed away from the table, taking his plate with him. He hadn't missed the fact that Kakarott hadn't disagreed with him. He knew the Namek had made the right decision. That didn't mean he had to like it. Kakarott would not have been able to make that choice. His companion would have been forced to watch him constantly during a battle just in case he lost his ki again and needed protection. He could ascend again, but that didn't mean he would be able to in the face of an enemy.

"The Namek will not let anything happen to them. If something goes wrong, you can always use that damned technique of yours," he said, back to the table. He knew Kakarott could feel how much this upset him, how absolutely fucking useless he felt, but he couldn't shield his companion. He couldn't even protect Kakarott from his own weak emotions. The fucking monk was right - he was a waste of air.

"Bullshit!" Goku crossed the room in a heartbeat as he heard Vegeta's thoughts. He was tired and frustrated at how helpless he felt. He grabbed the prince's shoulder and spun him around, pushing him back against the counter, forcing him to meet his eyes. "You are not a waste, you are not weak!"

He stopped as he realized Vegeta was shaking in something that was close to fear, eyes bright. He hadn't meant to seem threatening.

"Oh GodS Vegeta, I'm sorry," Goku said, taking his prince in his arms. "But you aren't useless. We'll solve whatever is wrong together, I promise. We'll figure it out and fix it - even use the dragonballs, if that is what it takes. Piccolo will help, too - we just need to wait until this threat is gone."

"What if you can't?" Vegeta whispered.

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Goku leaned back against his prince's chest and purred, a dopey little smile on his face. Neither one of them had really felt like doing anything today, so Goku had suggested a picnic. They had taken a short hike through the woods to a nearby little lake, both sticking to the unspoken agreement to not bring up any problems.

Their lunch was filled with a comfortable silence, the familiarity of their bond surrounding them. They would find a solution - he was sure of it. And even better, he knew that Vegeta really cared about him. He was so absorbed in worshipping his prince with his eyes, he hadn't eaten as much as usual. Goku had actually managed to make him blush - and then grin - when he had visualized dribbling honey over Vegeta.

"You'll have to do the laundry, Kakorr."

Goku leered at him, which garnered a smirk from the prince. "Might be worth it."

"Might?" Vegeta asked, flipping his tail in amusement.

They had continued teasing each other, Goku feeling a shiver of delight every time 'Kakorr' rolled off Vegeta's tongue.

Lunch done, they sat close, enjoying the breeze, watching birds fly over the water. Goku pointed out a dinosaur that Goten considered a pet, making Vegeta snort in amusement.

"I doubt even one of your brats can housebreak a dinosaur, Kakorr."

"Yeah...well...it didn't work. Didn't stop him from trying. Rezu said the only way to get rid of the piles was with a flame-thrower."

Vegeta chuckled. "Please tell me she didn't."

"Not her - Goten. And just the one time. Chichi was furious. Had to wash everything to get the smell out."

"Oh, GodS!" Vegeta laughed. "I remember that! The woman was insane. You should have seen her - wearing a mask, gloves up to her shoulders, cursing and sputtering as she scrubbed. She even tried to yell at me for teaching him how to use his ki that way - not that it did her any good."

Goku grinned. "I'm sorry I missed it."

Vegeta had just looked at him for a minute before getting up. Goku had wondered why - his prince had seemed comfortable where he was. He was pleasantly surprised when Vegeta sat behind him and began to run his hands through his hair. And that was why Goku was currently emitting a blissful purr.

Vegeta's skillful fingers slipped through his spikes as he did something he called 'grooming'. Goku didn't really care what it was called. All he knew was it was the most amazing, relaxing thing he had ever felt, and he would blast anyone who dared to interrupt. He released an experimental ball of ki and gave a pleased grunt when it turned a nearby rock into dust.

Vegeta chuckled. "That's me, Kakorr...still haven't gotten the bond sorted out, have you?"

"No...I kind of like it - besides, look what you're doing. Neither have you." It was hard to actually speak, the words were more of a rumbling.

"Baka - I did this with Radditz. It's relaxing. And it was allowed because it is pack behavior. Nappa deliberately kept himself out of any pack by shaving his head."

Goku grinned - Vegeta's voice was soft and vibrating, his purrs barely audible.

"Does this mean I get to do this to you?" he asked.

"Maybe later, Kakorr. I'm enjoying myself."

::Vegeta has a hair fetish.::

"Do you have a problem with that?" Vegeta purr-growled. "Should we bring up you and food? I am not a sundae - no matter what twisted little fantasies you may have."

Goku pouted. "You mean I can't...?"

"I didn't say that. I think it could make for some... interesting... negotiations."

Goku smirked and grabbed the tail that had been teasing him, licking on the tip. "Should we start right away?"

"No Kakorr," Vegeta quietly said as he drew his tail out of reach. "I need to do this now."

Goku stopped his teasing, sensing that his prince was using this to calm both of them. They were doing their best to hide it, but the worry was still there beneath the surface.

He was half asleep, Vegeta's arms looped around his neck, when he realized his prince was speaking to him.

"Kakarott..." he said hesitantly. "What did it...what did I say?"

"Say?" he asked, momentarily confused.

"You said you heard me speak before I broke my tail. What did I say?"

"Oh. You - it...'Leave it alone!'" Goku said.

"Leave what alone? That makes no sense, Kakarott." Goku could feel Vegeta's frustration.

"Your scar, I think. When I was washing you I found a nasty looking red scar. But it looked normal later."

"My scar," Vegeta scoffed. "Kakarott, you are aware of the fact that I am covered in scars."

"I like them. Lets my fingers know where they are in the dark."

"Kakorr," he said warningly.

"Oh. Yeah. Well, it is on the back of your left shoulder. Right about..."

Vegeta felt Kakarott's tail brush over his shoulder blade against bare skin. He experienced a sudden urge to jerk the furry appendage away, anticipating pain at the touch. ::Where did that come from?::

"Leave...it...alone?" he asked himself in a whisper.

"Vegeta? What's wrong?"

He could hear the concern in Kakarott's voice and became aware of how tense he had become.

"I...don't know..." he hesitated. "Almost like the hint of a memory."

"Of what?" Kakarott had slid out of his lap and was watching with worried brown eyes.

Vegeta reached his hand around to touch the mark himself. Nothing. He felt it, but his own fingers did not trigger the same reaction Kakarott's had. "I don't know. It's gone now."

He felt a chill run through him as Kakarott touched it again with gentle fingers. He looked up and felt the sudden need to bolt - but he couldn't. He had trapped his back against a tree and now he couldn't escape from the red eyes glaring at him.

"Koi, what's the matter? What do you remember?"

Vegeta slowly blinked, willing those evil eyes away. "Kakorr?"

"I'm right here, Vegeta."

He didn't even try to keep himself from grabbing and holding his companion tightly. "Home Kakorr. Take me home." He suddenly didn't want to remember - didn't want to know what he had touched. Because he knew who those eyes belonged to - Frieza.

TBC