Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence, rape, angst, sap. A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V, Yuri - CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 40 - Death

Piccolo swept off his cape and turban and headed for the group nearest the ship. It didn't look like they were heading back to conduct a strategic retreat - it looked more like a change of plan. He was concerned they were going to call for reinforcements. Either that, or there were weapons still on board that would be harder to defeat. He wasn't going wait to find out. - he was going to destroy them.

He felt something close to desperation. Goku's ki was gone. He had tried so hard to sense him he had let himself get distracted enough to get hit once. He stopped trying after that and began pushing his team to attack more aggressively.

The rescue crews had given up the outlying buildings as a loss and had begun to pull back deeper into the city. Chaozu was down and had been evacuated along with Yamcha. Gohan only had one or two Senzu, and there was no time to deliver them. Tien, Krillin and 18 were herding the invaders back towards the ship. But Piccolo had no intention of letting them leave.

"Gohan!" he called. "Cover Goten and Trunks! We need Gotenks!" He couldn't believe he had to deal with the arrogant little asshole.

He left them to it and flew over the ship, blasting a ring around it, killing the enemy without a second thought. Kami felt they needed to protect the ship, but couldn't explain why. Piccolo decided to follow the former guardian's instincts - he'd sacrifice it if he had to, but he'd do his best not to.

He smirked as Gotenks flew in range. This was the perfect type of fight for the blood thirsty little bastard.

"Knew you'd need me," Gotenks crowed in that weird echo-y voice of his.

"Don't remind me," Piccolo grated. "Kill them. Fast. Try not to hit the ship or any more buildings."

"Yes!" Gotenks pumped his hand in excitement and powered up to Super Saiyan 3. "I'll show you old farts how it is done."

::I should have stayed evil.:: They hadn't even taken down half of the invaders. This wasn't going to be finished with sniping at the enemy - this was going to take bombing. He watched as Gotenks wiped out at least 20 with one blast. He should have set the little bastard on them as soon as they started slipping through their line.

Once he was sure the brat had things in hand in spared a moment to check again for Goku's ki. Nothing. Vegeta's ki was there, although it felt off somehow. And - he cursed - there was someone with him.

"Damn it!" Piccolo slapped away a ball of ki headed his way. They had been tricked. This attack was just a diversion - the real threat was where Goku and Vegeta were. They had to finish with these fuckers off quickly and he had to get to where the Saiyans were. The ki with Vegeta was the same one he had felt when Goku said the voice was talking. Why in the hell hadn't he recognized it before? At the very least, he should have realized it as soon as he saw the ship.

Frieza was somehow alive, on Earth, and had apparently managed to kill Goku.

"Piccolo, what's wrong?" Gohan said, flying close.

"The other ship..." he hesitated, not wanting to tell Gohan what he suspected.

"The one that Bulma spotted..." Gohan said, nodding. He blasted a group trying to slip out of their perimeter.

"Gohan, I need you to take over here."

"Piccolo, you can't leave. We'll just have to call Dad and Vegeta for help," Gohan protested.

"We can't!" Piccolo growled. "I can't locate your father and I think Frieza is back and has Vegeta."

Gohan went wide-eyed at that and searched for his father's ki. Piccolo kept watch while the teen checked. He wanted Gohan to be able locate him where he couldn't, but he wasn't holding out much hope.

"Dad?" he whispered.

"I'm going to check. You stay here. Wipe 'em out, kid. We can't afford to let any of them escape." He backed off as Gohan's ki skyrocketed, turning and flying towards the Saiyans as fast as he could.

---------------

Something screamed at him to stop, to let go, but he couldn't make his hands obey.

He smirked and pulled harder on the cloth, twisting it tighter around the monkey's neck.

::Stop!::

Finally the monkey stopped gasping and collapsed. He released the cloth and dropped it on the floor next to his prisoner.

The monkey was dead.

::Kakarott is dead.::

He studied the body for a moment as he pulled his pants back on. Something was wrong about this - something was bothering him, telling him this was a mistake; he had to fix it now.

::I killed Kakarott.::

But he had to do it. He loved the man, and you hurt and killed the ones you loved.

He loved Kakarott, so he had to die.

::Kakorr is dead.::

He loved Kakorr...

Vegeta made an anguished wail of despair as memory flooded through him. What had he done? There was so much blood. His beloved Kakorr... "No," he sobbed, collapsing to his knees. The suffering he had caused. He remembered it all - how Kakorr had wept and screamed as he made his nightmares real.

Oh GodS! He trembled in horror - he was worse than Frieza. He had tortured - he had raped...he had killed Kakorr - the only person he had ever truly loved.

"No!" he cried, crawling and stumbling to the limp form. "Please Kakorr don't be dead. I'm sorry. Please." He could hardly see through the tears as he snapped the chains supporting his lover's body.

He gently lowered him to the ground, covering his love's mouth with his own, trying to breathe life back into Kakorr. It was impossible for him to breathe at a steady pace; his body was shaking in reaction and all he could do was expel choking sobs.

::I'm a monster - Frieza made me a monster.::

Vegeta cradled him in his arms, using his blood stained hands to rip the ki-restraints off his wrists. He tried again to force Kakorr's lungs to function, all the while trying desperately, hopelessly, to feed him ki.

"Kakorr, please breathe. You can't be dead." He held his lover tightly, tears falling against Kakorr's chest. "Oh GodS, Kakorr. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chanted, keening, weeping.

------------

I didn't move from my position, leaning against the wall. Poor little monkey was still in the haze caused by the brainwashing. I had waited years for this moment, and the reality was even better than the anticipation.

I had missed being here for the moment when the monkey was triggered - but I had known it through his slave circuit. Poor little pet - he must have sensed the change my doctors made to his mind all those years ago and resisted without knowing why. He lived his entire life without acknowledging he loved anyone. I've always considered such affection to be a weakness and planned on using his sentimental side to finally break him.

But he never admitted he was in love with the long-haired guard, or even his son. Pity - what Vegeta would have done to the boy would have crushed the princeling. But this - this was even better. My pet had fallen in love with that bastard Son Goku and had finally admitted it to himself. The brainwashing had triggered immediately at that - when I arrived Vegeta was carrying the unconscious Goku to the Gravity Room. I knew my preparations would come in handy.

Hmmm...maybe I should take the recordings of this with me. They could provide endless entertainment.

This wonderful show did not come courtesy of the slave chip. I didn't have to control him - I didn't have to do anything but watch. TThese were commands buried deep in the little monkey's subconscious - and he would obey no matter who his victim was. I just found it fitting that my pet's victim was my greatest enemy.

Ah, there we go - my pet just realized what he had done - meaning of course Son Goku was dead and the commands were complete. I smirked at his tears - such a weakness. As a boy Vegeta would cry, but I would not stand for it. I hardened him - he should be grateful.

"Please Kakorr don't be dead. I'm sorry. Please."

Oh yes, that disgusting pet name for Son Goku. I twitched my tail in amusement as the monkey snapped the chains, weeping as if his heart would break. I shook my head in disgust as my pet pressed his mouth to the bloody lips, petting that ridiculous hair.

"Kakorr, you can't be dead. Oh GodS, Kakorr. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Enough - I'm bored. Besides, the monkey is trying to resuscitate the tall bastard.

I moved closer and coiled my tail around his neck. He was now sprawled over the large body, weeping and moaning like an infant. My pet didn't resist - his sobs became silent, but his body still shook. I was going to have to beat this tendency out of him when we got back. A few tears made my pet look nicely weak, but this was too much and I didn't like it.

"Don't be sorry, pet. You did very well. I'm proud of you."

----------

Vegeta felt a weight on his shoulder, sliding around his neck. He knew what it was - knew who it belonged to. Frieza had returned. He didn't care anymore. He had done the one thing he had most feared. He was a monster and didn't deserve to live.

"It's time to go now, pet."

He tried to cling to Kakorr but couldn't. He was dragged away from the body of his lover by the icy tail. He ended up on his knees in front of the lizard.

"Fine. Just kill me and get it over with," he said brokenly. Without Kakorr, he had nothing to live for. What was the point of fighting the lizard? He could never beat him.

"No pet, that's not how this works."

He shivered as cold fingers cupped his chin, forcing his head up so he could stare into the face of his nightmares.

"So you finally fell in love. It was supposed to be Radditz, you know."

He couldn't focus on anything but the ache in his chest. The lizard said something about Radditz...what did he have to do with this?

"What - what are you...?" he asked, confused.

"Must I explain everything, monkey? You have such a weak mind. You were brainwashed, pet. You should remember it now."

Vegeta stared at him, bewildered. Remember what? What else had Frieza done to him? Remember...drugs...cell...chains...voices...'love'...'pain'...'death'... When Radditz - Radditz had been sent away. He was alone and afraid. Radditz came back and he couldn't love him anymore. Was this why? Vegeta had known something was wrong and fought it. But he quit resisting for Kakorr - he loved him so much.

"But you kept fighting it. Poor Radditz. You never could admit how much you loved him - and don't lie to me pet, I know you did.&"

He was speechless and stared at the lizard in shock. How could anyone be so sick and twisted?

"But this is even better - you killed the bastard Son Goku for me."

"I-I didn't..." No, he didn't kill Kakorr for the lizard, he couldn't... "No," he sobbed as he kneeled before Frieza, too stunned to fight or resist.

"You did, pet. Such a good little monkey. And to think I tried to keep you two apart. I had almost forgotten about your special training - but I'm so glad I remembered in time.

"And now you are going to help me establish an empire. My own pet Super Saiyan."

"You bastard!" he growled. "I will never work for you again!" The words were barely out of his mouth before the pain in his shoulder started - it wasn't unbearable yet, just a reminder of what the lizard could do to him.

"You will do exactly as you are told, monkey," Frieza hissed, uncoiling his tail from his neck and snapping it around to slam into his side. He fell near Kakorr - he could touch him if he just reached out a hand...

The pain began to build and he could feel his will to resist ebbing away. He fought it to move closer to Kakorr, to touch his love one last time. He was going to lose - had already lost - to Frieza. Something deep inside him screamed to keep resisting, but he knew it was hopeless. How long would it be before he was bowing and scraping, calling the ice-jin Lord Frieza?

He stifled a sob. If Kakorr was alive, they could fight together - destroy Frieza...but that would never happen now. Frieza had finally won - and he had helped him.

"Honestly pet, it's dead. Leave it. Time to go home."

He felt his body trembling as fire ran up his spine. "I'm sorry Kakorr," he whispered, wrapping his arms around the damaged waist, resting his head on a bloody chest. "I've never been strong enough for you."

"Move monkey. I'm tired of watching you blubbering. I'm going to destroy the body and then you won't have anything to cry over."

He snapped his head around and growled at that. The bastard better keep his fucking hands off his Kakorr.

"You. Will. Not," Vegeta snarled, tail thrashing.

"Fool!"

He struggled against the lizard as that fucking tail wrapped around his neck again and tried to pull him away. He could feel the bastard's ki building and knew he was going to blast Kakorr. "No!"

::Vegeta...::

TBC
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