Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri. Smut. Violence, rape, angst, sap. A Goku that started out cheerful, but is now as angst-filled as Vegeta. A nice dyke Chichi.
Pairings: Goku/Vegeta, Radditz/Vegeta, Chichi/OC. (Okay, okay, I don't like original characters either, but I think you will forgive me. Besides, she won't mess with your favorite Saiyans at all.) Maybe some other pairs if the mood strikes me.
Summary: Vegeta's life has begun to fall apart, his control slipping away. Will Goku be able to help him hold on, or will he become another victim of Vegeta's past? Yaoi - G/V, R/V, Yuri - CC/OC
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

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Chapter 42 - Victory?

Piccolo rushed to The Lookout with his burden. Goku had no business being alive with the injuries he had, but fortunately he was clinging to life. He hadn't taken the time to examine the Saiyan in the Gravity Room. He had just scooped up the barely conscious man and rushed out with him. He had felt something like an itch of Vegeta trying to reach him - and even though he didn't get the messagee, he was sure from the way he was fighting the prince wanted Goku protected.

The types of injuries Goku had - he shook his head in disbelief, sparing some ki to create gi pants to cover the naked Saiyan. Goku rarely cared about being seen undressed, but he was sure he would be feeling more vulnerable. He didn't understand how Frieza could have taken him unaware, beating and raping him when Vegeta was relatively uninjured.

_"Vegeta..."

Damn stubborn Saiyans - he swore they were impossible to kill.

"Shut up, Son. Save your energy. If you die after all Vegeta is going through, there is no telling what he will do." He arrived at The Lookout, surprised to see Dende waiting for him, Mr. Popo at his side. His feet had hardly touched down before the young Namek's hands were hovering over the Saiyan, surrounding him with a green glow. A minute later, Dende moved his hands away.

"That will buy us some time. Follow me," Dende said, turning and heading inside.

Piccolo raised an eye ridge in surprise, but did as he was told. Once he carefully lowered the Saiyan onto the bed, the young Namek moved back to his side. He could tell Dende was now being more selective in his healing, treating the life-threatening injuries first.

Piccolo crossed his arms and stood back, watching. At least the kid was not messing around this time - he was pouring everything into saving Goku.

≈≈I am concerned - Dende may not be an effective healer in a few years. ≈≈

Piccolo sighed. Kami usually left him alone, only speaking up if he thought it was important.

--I've noticed it takes him longer than wheen he was a kid.-

≈≈Some decrease in abilities is normal for Namekian healers as they get older, but Dende's have dropped dramatically in the past few years. ≈≈

--And you know why...-- Piccolo scowled. Soometimes the old man could be a know-it-all pain-in-the-ass.

≈≈I suspect one of the reasons is he is lonely. ≈≈

Piccolo rolled his eyes as the old man droned on and on. Dende became Guardian as a child, didn't know what to expect. He missed his family. Things got boring. Well, what in the hell did he expect? The world getting threatened everyday? Even Gohan stopped coming by as much and he got lonely. He felt used, since every time someone showed up they only wanted him to do something for them.

≈≈Except for Mr. Popo hardly anyone speaks to the boy but the Kais.≈≈

Piccolo smirked. The old man felt sorry for the brat. Although he had to admit Popo wasn't much for conversation with his Mister this, Mister that. And the Kais...well, he knew from experience how twisted and devious they were.

--So he should quit.-

≈≈You are now prepared to take his place... ≈≈

--Hell no!-

Kami told him something he never knew - using so much of his energy slowed down Dende's mental and physical development. The more healing he did, the slower he matured, staying the same physical and mental age for several calendar years. That was why he looked so young, Piccolo realized - his abilities had been used quite a bit in recent years. As a result the brat still looked and acted like a teenager, even though with a Namek's normal development he should be an adult.

≈≈Healing takes a great deal of empathy, but it is difficult to feel for others when you are cut off from everyone.≈≈

Well, he had never considered that.

≈≈ It takes a great act of courage to be willing to feel that suffering. The blast Nappa killed you with - can you picture voluntarily experiencing that over and over again?≈≈

--I never realized it hurt him.-

≈≈ Not physically, but mentally. He still does it willingly. But the way you - and even Goku - have spoken to him lately...he is still young, and makes mistakes. His confidence has been shaken because of recent events, and it will be difficult for him to heal Goku quickly. But he will try. Considering the damage Saiyans can endure, it is surprising, not that it takes so long, but that Dende can still heal them at all. ≈≈

Piccolo studied the young Namek with new eyes - stuck as a child - to feel that pain...

He moved forward to support the Guardian as he staggered back, exhausted, ki drained. He gave him some of his own energy, and Dende looked up at him in a surprised daze.

"Thanks kid. Now go rest," he commanded. "Maybe we'll get lucky and someone will have some Senzu so you don't have to do that again."

"Oh...thanks..." Dende said, before leaving the room with unsteady steps, supported by Mr. Popo.

--------------

Vegeta shakily rose from where he knelt over the bloody mess that used to be Frieza. This - this was supposed to be his greatest conqquest. He had wanted to kill the lizard most of his life. Now that he had...nothing...he felt no triumph. This victory had too high a cost.

But...Kakorr was alive. He closed his eyes and concentrated. He could feel that Dende had healed him - Kakorr's breathing was easier, the pain of broken ribs stabbing organs decreased... He took a shaky breath, ignoring the burning tears.

::Vegeta...::

All the pain, the suffering Kakorr had gone through - it was his fault. He should never have let him get so close. He had gone through his entire life on his own - why couldn't he have just continued? So what if he was lonely? He should be used to it by now.

:: No, it wasn't your fault.::

But Kakorr - he offered, and gave...and loved him unconditionally. He had never been loved like that before, and he had attached himself to Kakorr like a drowning man.

He should have drowned.

After everything he had done, all the people he had killed, all the planets he had destroyed - how dare he think he deserved to be in love? Look what it did. It just made him hurt Kakorr.

:: It wasn't you. It was Frieza. It wasn't you.::

He could never be sure it wouldn't happen again. Frieza would be in hell - he still could use his chip from there. And the brainwashing...the lizard had made him a sleeper, using love to awaken the monster within him. GodS! How could he have been so weak?

He had been able to beat Frieza only because he needed to protect Kakorr. He couldn't have done it for himself. And when he was dead...he wouldn't be able to defend himself against the lizard. He would be punished in hell - and he would deserve it, because he was weak and let Frieza make him a monster.

::You are not a monster.::

He fell to the ground, head bowed, hair cascading around him. He picked up some of the golden strands and examined them absently. Level three. So what? What was the point? It had let him save Kakorr - thank the GodS he was alive. But Frieza? Even dead, the lizard had won. The lizard had won when he was still a child - he just didn't know it. Frieza had finally taken everything from him.

But what hurt the most was losing Kakorr. How could Kakorr ever trust him again? He was right not to trust himself - he should have made him understand. He should have left before he fell in love - but now it was too late.

He stood and rose into the air, pausing only long enough to incinerate the lizard's remains. He had to see Kakorr one more time.

---------------

Piccolo pulled a sheet over Goku's still bruised body. He was out of danger now, but exhausted. How could something like this have happened? Goku was so strong, yet he had been taken down without a fight. The Saiyan's ki had not risen in preparation for battle. Instead, Vegeta - who had been struggling to regain his ki for months - ascended to Super Saiyan 3. The cocky little prince had been the one to destroy Frieza.

But where had Vegeta been when Goku was being tortured? He shook his head - he doubted he would get any answers from the prince.

"Vegeta..." Goku said quietly.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon," he said. He was surprised to see tears in the Saiyan's eyes - that wasn't usual for Goku.

"No, it wasn't your fault," Goku continued.

Piccolo almost said something until he realized Son wasn't talking to him. His gaze was fixed to some distant point overhead.

"It wasn't you. It was Frieza. It wasn't you."

He was sure now Goku was talking to Vegeta. Whatever the ice-jin had done had traumatized both Saiyans. Goku was actually crying and Vegeta had fought like a madman.

"You are not a monster."

"Son, you need to calm down. You are still not well." Goku was trying to sit up and he gently pushed him back down.

"Kakorr."

Piccolo looked up at the soft voice. Vegeta had arrived, but it was a Vegeta he had never seen before. There was a hint of madness and sorrow in those teal eyes. He had no shirt or shoes on and his jeans were barely covering him. Piccolo was sure he was a mass of cuts and bruises, but it was impossible to tell. The prince was covered in blood and gore, spattered over his face and hair, massive streaks on his torso, but his hands - his bare hands - were dripping even after his flight here.

"Vegeta, what happened?" he asked, but was ignored. The bloody prince just walked by him to stare down at Goku.

"You did it, Vegeta. You beat him," Goku said, reaching out to touch the prince. Piccolo was surprised when Vegeta moved out of Goku's range, avoiding the outstretched fingers.

"I'm sorry, Kakorr," was Vegeta's quiet response. The prince tore his eyes away from Goku and stared down at his stained hands, curing and uncurling his fingers.

"It's okay Vegeta. It wasn't your fault," Goku whispered.

Vegeta let go of his transformation and now Piccolo could see the red burn that had been hidden by the long hair running from his shoulder to trace a scarlet line down his back. "I-I- I should have... I never..."

"It wasn't you. It was Frieza."

Piccolo didn't know what to do. Even Vegeta had tears in his eyes. The prince moved closer to Goku and stroked his cheek once with his tail before coiling it around his waist. He could hardly hear the prince when he spoke. "Kakorr...I'm...I'm sorry..."

"Dad!" Gohan rushed into the room and over to hug his father, nearly shoving Vegeta aside in his haste. "You're alive! I was so worried."

Piccolo sighed - sometimes the boy was oblivious.

Gohan began asking his father if he was alright, what had happened, was it really Frieza...? Goku just gave his son a sad smile and said he would be fine.

Piccolo looked at the prince - Vegeta stepped away from the bed and shook his head.

"Vegeta..." he began as the prince stood in front of him.

"Take care of him, Piccolo," he said.

"You should rest. You must be exhausted. And that burn..."

"It doesn't matter," Vegeta said sadly before leaving the room.

"You should have seen Truten, Dad. They were amazing. After they fused into Gotenks they finished off those guys in minutes."

"Gohan," Piccolo interrupted. "Do you have any Senzu left?"

"No, sorry," he answered sheepishly. "I split one between Yamcha and Chaozu and gave another one to a friend of Rezu's. He got messed up when a building fell on him during a rescue."

Piccolo nodded. "You'll need to see if you can track down some more for your father and Vegeta."

"Vegeta?" Goku suddenly asked, looking around, eyes wide.

"He just left," Piccolo answered.

"No!" Goku said, panicked, as he struggled to get out of bed, fighting with the sheets.

"Damn it, Son, get back in bed," he said, moving to stop the injured Saiyan from rising.

He staggered back, unprepared when Goku shoved him away. Goku fought to free himself from the covers that were tangled around him before giving up and wrapping them in his fist.

"I have to stop him!" Goku was frantic.

Piccolo caught his wrist before he could put his fingers on his forehead and vanish. "Stop him? What are you talking about?"

"Let go of me!" Goku sobbed. "Vegeta is going to kill himself!"

TBC

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