“So tell me again why we cant do this?”  he said, his hand on my chest, pushing me backwards towards the bed.  I glanced behind me, fearful I might trip, fearful I might fall.  Fearful that I might indulge in this sin once more if I did either. 

“Come on Kakarot,”  he challenged.   “Tell me again why I can’t fuck you until the sun shines!” 

I tumbled backwards, catching myself on the edge of the mattress before he grabbed my shirt and effortlessly hauled me onto the bed. 

“Tell me why it’s so fucking bad.  I want to hear it.”  He straddled me, biting my lips fiercely, pulling them.  “Come on then.  Tell me how bad I am!”

He threw my shirt open, licking from my collarbone to my naval, causing me to raise my head off the pillow and gaze through half lidded eyes at the gorgeous marble ceiling above us.  My fingers dug into the satin bedspread, my back arching as he did the unthinkable.  The thing that Chi Chi had indeed never done for me, making my chest rise and fall as if I were dying.  Making me light headed, so absorbed in this act that all guilt and thought flew away from me.   I didn’t care about Chi Chi, or Bulma, or Gohan.  I didn’t care about Sin, about Aries or Titus or about any of the gorgeous macaronis that danced and fornicated beneath these walls.

I just wanted it deeper, wetter, tighter, hotter, colder.  I just wanted it.  I’ve never orgasmed like that before.  Never have since I don’t think.  The first time was truly the best time, as he violently yanked my pants down to my mid thigh and covered my erection with kisses and soon his entire mouth, dipping downwards as if his throat never ended.   It was as foreign to me as anal sex had been and I loved it more than I’d ever loved sex in any position. 

I think it’s hard to describe to a women just WHY exactly the whole ordeal is such a thrill.  Maybe it’s the detachment, the dominance.  Something about being pleasured and not returning anything.  The filthy, dirty, disgusting act of it all.  Nothing intimate or special about getting an oral job.  Not if you don’t want there to be.  Sure, you could pretend that it’s a soul enlightening experience.  But its not.  Its demeaning and degrading when you think about it. 

Probably why I loved it so much.  I loved the fact that this had never happened before.  That I was doing something so unbelievably wrong and deriving such unimaginable pleasure from it.  So much so that I couldn’t even CONCEIVE to feel sorry in those moments.  Aw, hell no!  I wasn’t sorry!  This was like a one time trip to Disney Land for a cancer patient.  All the cold truth, all the fear and foreboding finally goes away.  And you have to forget the future for a few moments and just love life, no matter how it turns out in the end. 

In those moments, as he flicked his tongue across the tip of my penis, had I known what would happen in the end, had I known how it all turned out, I would’ve let him go on anyways.  That’s just how good it was. 

I think too many authors tend to describe sex with words like “intimate”, “close”, “with one mind” or “beautiful”.  Let’s get this straight.  There was NOTHING “beautiful” about this interaction between me and Vegeta.  It was shocking and seductive yes.  But beautiful?  No.   It was detached and deprived.  Negligent and cold.  But oh, SO good!

And when I came, spurting seamen into the hot confines of Vegeta’s mouth, he actually swallowed it, none dripping out from between his lips.   

With that he moved up to me, lying over my hot body, the flesh of his naked chest against my own.  I felt dizzy with my orgasm, incoherent suddenly.  As if I were in a dream world as I moved downwards, his hand coaching me onward as I tasted him for the first time, tasted a man for the first time.  I gripped it firmly, unable to believe how hard it was, how hot it had become from the blood rushing into it. 

I felt drunken and insane as I put it in my mouth, as if (like in my dreams) this wasn’t really me.  I was merely an innocent bystander who watched from the sidelines, through the eyes as my host did this thing.  I couldn’t be blamed for this adulterous act!  Oh no.  I was just watching. 

I saw my head bob up and down, soaking his erection with my slippery saliva, working with my hand and my mouth.  Was I as good as I suddenly imagined myself to be?  So help me…… I was a God in those moments!  Could I POSSIBLY be enjoying this?  Any other moment and I surely would have thrown my guts up into the corner of the room.  Any other time my stomach would have lurched uncontrollably at the thought of giving another man a blow job.  But right now?  Well, as I said before, it wasn’t me of course. 

Like my love affair with Shiloh, I couldn’t be blamed for this.  It was just a videogame for me.  I was essentially IN my mind and out of it at the same time.   But whatever the case, as he busted all over my face, the hot, sour smell of seamen dripping down my chin, I came back to reality, shaking my head and searching desperately for a towel of some sort.

Vegeta grabbed me fiercely as I tried to get off the bed, snatching up the collar of my shirt and dragging me close to him.  I laid by his side as he licked my face, my eyes wide for a moment before I gradually became accustomed to this somewhat affectionate act. 

“Tell me,”  Vegeta whispered, panting heavily.  “Tell me that that wasn’t the greatest experience of your life, and I’ll never place you in this situation again.”

But of course, as I closed my eyes and drifted away to violent dreams, I said nothing of the sort.  I could lie to Chi Chi, I could lie to Gohan.  Hell, I could lie to myself.  But I could never lie to Vegeta.

I was on the ceiling again, the smile stretching my cheeks into my eyes, the smell of sweat and sex so strong I could feel it coming off my body in waves.  I closed my eyes, the sensation of a million hands reaching out to me, drowning any thought that might have been there.  I could hear the sweet taunting of the Monster’s voice, slowly dragging me downwards.

“Come closer Kakarot.”  It told me.  I didn’t even need to open my eyes to know it was him.   The gorgeous beast that always waited for me, clad in barbed wire tattoos, horns and glimmering fangs.  But a face so precious and beautiful, human words could never hope to describe it.  It was angelic, unearthly.  Not of this realm.   Indiscernible with simple eyes.

I could never really SEE his face.  But as you know everything in your dreams, even having memories that you don’t recall when you awake, I knew that he was beautiful to the extremities that this world could never confine.  I wanted to touch him so badly.  It was like a starving animal catching the scent of cooking meat.  Insatiable.  Over powering.   I knew, in those moments, gazing down upon the orgy that always reeked of fornication and sin, that in touching him, I would be free of all this despair.  This fear and guilt that plagued me like a disease that slowly eats away your immune system.  It was devouring me slowly and I knew that his touch, his kiss, his embrace would be the medicine, the cure for what ailed me. 

Now if only I could get down there.

“Kakarot.”  Came a soft voice.   I stirred, feeling myself drift down from the ceiling and awaken on a mattress, Vegeta’s gorgeous face looming over me.   I almost breathed in a gasp of air, seeing him this close up in the light.

 Again I had to think to myself that he had changed.  That he had not been this way when I’d first met him two years ago.  His skin was smooth like porcelain, the polished, sanded kind, flawless without a scratch or a chip.  Unimaginably beautiful with all the contours and shapes thrown into the right places, eyes dark around the lids, eyebrows sculpted as if they’d been painted on, and lips so plump and shapely, I was tempted to go against everything I’d promised myself, and just kiss him. 

“Let’s go.”  He breathed, the dark window behind him, evidence that it was still very much night time.  “I want to go for a walk.”

“Vegeta,” I moaned, wishing for nothing more than to return to my dreams and see if tonight would be the night to meet my monster.  “Don’t you ever sleep?”

“Sleep?”  he furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side and looking utterly and sincerely confused.  “Why?  Am I supposed to?”

I just looked at him, unsure if this was some sort of a joke, or if he really was asking me such a stupid question.  I rolled my eyes, pushing myself into sitting position.

“Never mind…”  I growled.  “Lets just get this over with.”

As it turned out, the walk wasn’t nearly as unbearable as I had planned, Vegeta insisting that I adorn myself with one of his expensive, shiny leather jackets, the squeaking of the fine material a pleasant sound as we walked the streets of the lower French Quarter.   As we walked onwards, the street lights became less frequent, the traffic and normal hussle and bussle of New Orleans becoming just a faint sound in the distance. 

Reaching Rue Dumaine street, I began to sense humans scurrying through the darker corners, drug dealers and prostitutes standing out in the open.  A man walked by us, his head down and his hands digging into his pockets, eyes low and staring directly at me.

“Yo, what you lookin’ at man?”  he spat reproachfully, as if I’d truly done him some terrible wrong.  “You got a problem?”

I hadn’t even the time to spit out any excuse before he just pushed passed and remained wandering on his way.  I just stared after him, stunned that a man of his stature would dare to spit such insults at me and Vegeta. 

“You can’t judge everything by size Kakarot,”  Vegeta smiled.  “Shorty there gained about four feet in his mind, packing that pretty silencer in his pocket.”

I stared after the man again, distraught by his behavior.  By God…. But he was just a kid.  Maybe mid twenties at the most.  And packing a gun?  Where I came from, I was protected from such atrocities.  Blind to the decay of human society. 

“Indeed,”  nodded Vegeta as if reading my mind, looking forward and beginning our walk again.  “Living in America, we don’t always see such depravities.   But other countries?”  he shook his head.  “Its hard to believe that children as young as 4 and 5 are selling themselves as prostitutes globally.  Thailand, Germany, France, England.  You name it.   Even the USA.  Drugs are devouring the youth of our generation, killing thousands every day. 

“You think that Sin is our biggest problem on this planet?  Hardly!”  he snorted.  “This ball of shit is doomed Kakarot.  And why you strive so hard to save it, is beyond me!  You’re so shocked at a 20 year old totting a gun, try witnessing a 4 year old sucking off a 35 year old man for a five dollar bill to support her family.   Try believing that this world is worth the trouble when we have kids waltzing into schools and shooting everyone that runs.   Try to save a world where fathers rape their sons and daughters.  Try to understand that and keep fighting so hard.  It’s ignorance and fantasy alone that keeps you going.”

“Oh?”  I said, my eyebrows furrowing angrily.  “And you’re one to talk about doing things for no apparent reason.  What about all this Vegeta?  You give me reasons why I shouldn’t care about it, but give me a reason why YOU do!”

He looked at me cautiously, as if warning me that I’d gone too far, stopping his feet for but a second before continuing onwards. 

“I’m not sure what you’re asking me.”  he said finally, after a torturous pause. 

I sighed, frustrated by this conversation.  Frustrated mostly by his logic and by the fact that I could do nothing to alter his perception of the world.  He was set on believing that there was no hope and this bleak outlook certainly did nothing to support my endeavors to stop Sin.

“I’m just asking why we did this.”  I said in defeat.  “I don’t understand this sudden obsession you have with me.”

“Obsession?!”  he laughed, his harsh chuckling echoing throughout the wet, paved street.  “Hardly Kakarot.  I certainly wouldn’t flatter myself so much if I were you.”

“Then what is it?”  I said, trying to shrug off his reaction.  “I mean……. do you love me?”

“Love?” he asked as if insulted, looking at me like I was crazy.  “Fuck love! What does love have to do with anything?”

“Then why all of this?!” I cried, finally losing it.  I threw my arms out to the side. “Don’t you care!?  Don’t you think?!  Why play with me the way you do?!  Why do you do the THINGS you do?!”

“Why?!”  he snapped, turning sharply to stare into my face.    “Why you ask me?!  Maybe because I enjoy them.”

I swallowed hard, staring into his eyes.

“Maybe I like to do it.”  he hissed.  “Maybe I like putting it up your ass, hearing you whimper for me to go slower.  Maybe I like to fuck you until you scream for me to stop, like watching your head bob when you suck me off!   Love?”  he screamed.  “Love you ask me!? I would fuck love over quicker than you if I had half the chance.”

He turned harshly, walking at a dangerously fast pace, bystanders noticing the inhumane speed in his movements. 

“But it isn’t meant to be that way!” I cried, my arms flailing outwards as I sped behind him.  “Don’t you see!  Don’t you get it?!  It isn’t natural.  Sex is something meant to be shared between two people who……”

“Who what Kakarot?”  I nearly collided with him as he abruptly stopped, his eyes blazing.  “Who “love” each other?  Please.  You think Adam and Eve shared this love when they conceived their first child?  Hm?”

He glared at me.

“After being spat from paradise, you think Adam “loved” Eve for her deceit, for her tempting him, taunting him, leading him away from what he knew was right?   You think he didn’t hate her to his very core for yanking him from paradise to dwell in a Godless desert?  Like being cast from Heaven into Hell?  You think he didn’t resent the fact that he was made to spend what was left of his life with the very being who caused the end of it?”

He pointed at me wickedly. 

“He hated her as she hated him, and this “love making” you’re so fond of, was nothing more than a newly acquired release, a way to vent the hatred they felt for one another.  A hate filled obligation that they had to share, only one more reason to despise one another.  The first human parents, bound together in hatred.”

“No, that’s not what it was like.”  I protested.  “He……..  He had no right to blame her or to hate her.  Adam partook of their sin of his own free will.”

I stopped, my eyes wide as I realized what I’d just said.  Vegeta smirked, his eyes blazing strange colors in the streetlight.  Almost iridescent for just a moment before turning back to the same black color as always. 

“As do you my pet.”  He grinned in triumph.  “As do you.”

We walked a ways further, the pavement becoming wetter until puddles formed in the middle of the streets, soaking over my shoes and sinking into my socks.  The cold air caused steam to rise from our mouths as we continued on our destination-less way, catching signs of humans beating the hell out of each other in the ally ways. 

Vegeta never stopped, never once even to look, as though he had seen these things a thousand times before.  As if he were merely walking by a television plagued with the normal, graphic violence.  I heard screams and bullet shots in the distance, my head turning this way and that to the sounds, wondering if it wasn’t my sensitive hearing as a Saiyan that allowed me these horrible observations.  Vegeta alone seemed immune, strolling passed an overweight, dark skin Creole Prostitute who looked into my eyes, sadness and detachment apparent from a hard lifestyle.

“Come Kakarot,”  Vegeta said, as if he were only noticing me behind him for the first time.  “There is something I want to show you.”

We walked a ways further, turning sharply into a dark ally way, rats and the filth of a ghetto slum littering the corners and dumpsters that we passed.  Even with my keen eyesight, I saw nothing through the darkness that met us, steal ladders over hanging just above our heads, broken glass and wilted flowers lying on the ground.  And when I began to believe that we truly were heading into a dead end, I heard the faint sound of crying.

It was hushed, and muffled through a hand, but most definitely discernable.  I felt Vegeta turn another corner, the lighting casting a very low and very dim glow upon a young woman, sitting on the wet stone of her porch and sobbing into her hand.  Vegeta stopped, staring at her from this distance, pointing at the scars on her wrists, the bruises on her upper arms, the blood dribbling down her chin and the massive black eye that she tried to hide as she buried her face against her hand. 

“Never again,”  she cried, wrapping her dark arms around herself.  “I told myself never again.”

Thankful that she didn’t know we were here, I was able to see more clearly the fine lines that created her face, the beauty she held, though covered and distorted by blood and bruises. 

“You tell me about love,”  Vegeta whispered, his voice quiet.  “you tell me about its strengths, its power.  You idolize love as if it’s a God on its own, just like every human does.”

I listened to his words, hearing crashing and banging coming from the window several stories above the girl.

“So tell me again why I should feel it when only love itself could be so hateful enough to blind a woman into staying with a man that beats her mercilessly.  Only love could hate someone enough to bind them to a monster, love creating the attachment to a heart that doesn’t feel.”

He turned to me, even as I wanted to cry for the girl, hearing her husband clambering drunk down the stairs.  Fear jumped into my throat as she began to panic, her eyes wide.

“Love is blind Kakarot.”  Vegeta said quietly as the hateful creature appeared, a bottle clutched in his hand, the contents swishing around.  I moved to stop him, as he grabbed a hold of the woman’s arm, hoisting her up and dragging her towards the door.  Vegeta stopped me, his arm on my chest unmovable, his eyes never lingering from their position as the woman screamed and screamed, her husband hauling her one knock at a time up the stairs into the apartment.

“Let me go!”  I hollered at him, struggling to move passed him.  But he was impenetrable, just staring coldly as their forms appeared in the window, the man tearing her head around by the hair, beating her until I could see the blood splattering against walls.   Until it was gushing out of her mouth and nose.  Beating the beautiful face until there was nothing left but blood and gore.  Until I heard that fateful clunk of a human skull cracking against tile on the floor. 

I sucked in breath, moving forward as much as I could, straining my eyes to see, to understand, to accept what had just happened. 

Oh God.  She was dead.

I covered my mouth too late, turning to the corner and holding the brick wall as I heaved and heaved, sour vomit splashing onto the filthy ground.  I collapsed near it, my knees soaked with dirt and water, tears forming in my eyes from the vomiting. 

Where I might have expected pity or at least some sign of sympathy, Vegeta merely looked down at me expressionless, eyes hard and cold. 

“For one who worships Love as much as you Kakarot,”  he scoffed.  “I would never have expected you to get in its way.”