Author: FireCracker       KLee624820@aol.com

A/U

You know you're Namekian when...

1. You keep your children home when their classmates fight.
2. You detest the odor of boiled water.
3. You refer to hair as a 'decoration'.
4. You take ten baths a day.
5. Perfume is considered an essential item.
6. You don't prefer anything.
7. Your diet consists of bottled steam with ice for dessert.
8. You meditate an hour before sex.
9. You meditate three hours after sex.
10. You never shake hands before the first date.
11. You have an 'out of body' experience by age three.
12. You can whine at a distance of fifty feet.
13. You open letters with your ears.
14. You cry reading the phone book.
15. Clustering in panic is a defense mechanism.
16. You'd rather switch than fight.
17. You freak out when it gets dark.
18. You have 'Prissy Pride' festivals.
19. You can feel a feather under fifteen feet of concrete.
20. You give political speeches before making love.
21. Parties are a clear path to the devil.
22. Nail clipping is recreational activity.
23. You cheat at solitaire.
24. You ask "May I?" before washing.
25. You cover every inch of skin.
26. You marry a casual accquaintance.
26. You never need lubrication because you don't do anything.
27. A 'hot night' consists of baking cookies.
28. You go to the parlor to have your head polished.
29. Your children never go to bed before 4pm.
30. You get high on tonic water.
31. The 'wild thing' is raising your voice at choir rehearsal.
32. Your children can't roam more than twenty feet from sight.
33. "Trail mix" means peanuts, raisins, apricots, and coconut chips.
34. You wear socks in the tub.
35. You have philosophical debates over wallpaper patterns.
36. You respect the rights of cockroaches.
37. You pamper your fifty year old.
38. Everyone has an 'alternate' lifestyle.
39. You boil your underwear before wearing it.
40. You peel in late spring and early fall.
41. You're never 'green with envy.'
43. Your mate never sees you nude.
44. You hide all mirrors before undressing.
45. You disinfect light bulbs.
46. You cover your lips before kissing.
47. Touching leads to moral decay.
48. Your bed has a plastic slipcover.
49. Doing 'The nasty' means spilling jelly on your white linens.
50. The entire universe is 'funky.'

THE END