Quest
Sequel to Maintaining
By Pixelgoddess

Summary: Starts where Maintaining left off. Frieza has caused some incredible issues for the Saiyans to overcome, but they are trying. What will it take for them to finally become mates? Yaoi, Yuri. Goku x Vegeta, Chichi x Rezu (OC)
Disclaimer: If I owned it, don't you think there would have been more decent girls to write about?
Warnings: *snickers* Whaddya got? Sex. Rape and it's aftermath. Violence. Bad words. Gay marriage. Krillin-bashing. Dyke Chichi. Straight Gohan. Confused Dende. Smart-ass Piccolo. I think that covers it - for now.
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Chapter 7 - Ache

Vegeta could feel himself falling out of his trance-like state, shaking in reaction, only barely aware of Kakorr's arms around him. No more. He didn't want to remember anymore. What he had done - it had been hard enough to bear when it happened - but reliving it was worse, somehow. He couldn't take anymore of this scrutiny. He wanted everyone out of his head.

He was relieved when the Nameks retreated and he slumped back against Kakorr with a groan. That...that hurt on levels he had never imagined. Not physically, except for that strange moment when the pain of the memory of the chip being implanted felt real. No, this was worse somehow - guilt, shame, remorse, even anger. He wanted to shout at the Nameks for prying like that, but that was foolish - he had insisted.

"Wh-?" he began before hissing in pain as a full-blown headache exploded. He closed his eyes at the bright light of the room and was grateful as Kakorr held him close, gently rubbing his shoulders.

"What did you find out?" Kakorr asked for him in a soft voice. He could barely feel Kakorr in his head, but couldn't tell if it was because of his headache or something else.

"You mean besides me discovering I want to go down to hell with the sole purpose of destroying the fucker?" Piccolo growled.

Vegeta winced at the volume and pressed the heels of his hands to his forehead, trying to press the throbbing back.

"Shhh...softer Piccolo," Kakorr whispered. "He has a headache."

"Sorry," the Namek continued in a much quieter voice. "Give Dende a minute to get himself together - then maybe he can do something about it."

He tried to nod his agreement, but even the tiniest movement shot spikes of agony through his skull. If he could speak he would consider begging someone to put him out of his misery.

"Vegeta...Frieza didn't lie about this. It was triggered when you admitted to yourself you were in love. And apparently Goku is safe now because the 'off switch' is the death of that person at your hands."

"Great," he muttered, swallowing hard as a wave of nausea passed through him. "All I have to do is kill anyone I care about. Thanks."

He could barely sense when someone moved close, but he hurt too much to care. Maybe they would be considerate and lop his head off for him. Kakorr allowed them to come near, so it was unlikely he would be that fortunate.

"Vegeta," came a soft voice, "Let me try to take care of that headache for you." He didn't even move as Dende placed his hands on his head - the brat could do any damn thing he wanted if it would make this suffering stop.

He felt the gentle waves of energy flowing around him, telling him the kid was healing him. Finally he could open his eyes and move his head without feeling like he was going to vomit. Another few minutes and he decided he might even protest if someone tried to cut off his head. He wasn't sure yet if he wouldn't kill anyone who spoke above a whisper, but there was always a chance he might be merciful.

"Sorry Vegeta," Dende said.

"What in the hell for, brat?" he muttered. If the little cucumber started pitying him he was going to kick his green little ass.

"I should have anticipated your headache. I mean, it's not really surprising, the way Piccolo and Kami were harping on each other. Next time, I'll see if I can prevent it, okay?"

"What - you can keep them from squabbling like an old married couple?" he asked the brat with the closest thing to a smirk he could currently manage. Piccolo squawked a protest, but he ignored him.

Dende actually grinned back at him. "I don't think that is possible. I meant the headache, actually." The kid was getting cocky - good.

"Piccolo," he finally asked, when Dende had healed him enough so that he could actually think. "Did you learn anything else? Is there something I can do?"

Piccolo sighed. "Kami spotted some things he thought might be helpful. He's studying your memories right now. Honestly, I hope he finds the answer there. I'm not looking forward to wandering through that thick skull of yours again. It's going to take days of meditating to get you out of my head."

"You should feel honored I let you in, Elf-boy," he replied, hoping his smart-ass attitude hid his concern. He had thought long and hard before deciding to do this. He valued the Namek's friendship and didn't want it to end because it.

"Oh yes, your highness. I'll cherish the moment of closeness forever," Piccolo said sarcastically.

He studied the Namek's dark eyes for a moment and made a tiny nod. They weren't going to let this strangeness affect their friendship.

"Vegeta...," Kakorr spoke in a soft, hesitant voice, almost a whisper in his ear, "Can we go home now?"

"Goku," Dende asked with concern, "Are you alright?"

::Kakorr?:: Vegeta turned his head to look at him. His lover's eyes were too bright. Now he knew why he hardly sensed Kakorr - he was trying to shield him. He wasn't totally successful - the emotion was too strong - and Vegeta could feel his distress. His lover was holding him so close...almost like he was clinging to him in desperation.

"I want to go home," he repeated, barely audible. ::Please Vegeta.::

::Yes, Kakorr.:: He wasn't surprised when The Lookout vanished the instant he gave his approval and they were back in their bedroom.

"Kakorr-" he began worriedly. He still felt like crap, but Kakorr was obviously upset and he knew he was responsible.

"You should rest," Kakorr said, turning away to close curtains, obviously trying to avoid him.

"Kakorr, stop," Vegeta said, gently taking his arm and forcing him to turn. He looked up into brown eyes swimming in pain, tears threatening to spill. ::You felt it all, didn't you?::

His lover didn't answer, just closed his eyes and bowed his head, tears finally falling.

Vegeta felt guilt again at everything he was putting Kakorr through. Was the cost of the cure Kakorr's happiness? "I'm sorry," he said, caressing his cheek. "I don't know what else to do. I didn't mean to hurt you again."

::I know...I just....::

::Kakorr...::

Kakorr wouldn't meet his eyes, staring unseeingly at his feet. They stayed this way for a long moment, Vegeta continuing to caress the smooth cheek, struggling to ignore the remnants of his headache to feel what Kakorr did. But he had taught his lover too well; the pain was a shadow he barely felt - so much less than the agony he saw behind brown eyes.

"Tell me, Kakorr. I want to help you."

Kakorr gave a weak smile. "I-I don't... I just...I need to be alone for awhile. Is that okay?"

Vegeta felt that weight of responsibility again - Kakorr was obviously distressed because of everything he...they had remembered. And he knew with certainty if he refused Kakorr would stay, burying the hurt, putting on a false smile for him, never once blaming him.

He drew his lover's head down and kissed him tenderly. "Of course it is Kakorr," he said gently. It was so rare for him to even want to be away from his side. "I'll stay here." He hated the lizard more than ever - there had to be a better solution, if only for Kakorr's sake.

"Is it possible for things to be more fucked up?" Vegeta muttered to the air after Kakorr vanished.

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Goku reappeared in his favorite part of the woods and crumpled to the ground, finally losing the battle with his tears. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!

Today had been horrible. He hadn't wanted Vegeta to even attempt that solution yet. He still wanted Vegeta to ask Bulma - she was so smart and had access to both of the ships. Maybe should could figure something out or see something they had missed. But Vegeta didn't want her to know, afraid she would think less of him somehow.

But today - Goku hadn't wanted to ever try what he had today. Vegeta might have been prepared, but he wasn't ready to go through that. It was even worse because he actually felt and remembered everything Vegeta did. Somehow it was worse seeing what happened to him through Vegeta's eyes. He knew why Vegeta let Piccolo see his memories, really he did. But actually seeing what happened to him... He didn't expect reliving it to hurt him so much and wasn't prepared for it.

He had tried so hard to forget and bury those terrifying memories of that terrible day. He had been so afraid then - worried about what had happened to Vegeta, not knowing what was going to happen. He had seen Vegeta's dreams about Frieza attacking him, but he never once thought it could happen to him. He never understood how it could affect him - made him doubt himself, wondering if he could have said... done... something that would have kept it from happening. When... when... when it did he was shocked - when he screamed it wasn't all from pain. More was from denial - this couldn't be real. So weak...he had never been so helpless and it still ate at him, disturbing his sleep, haunting his dreams...

He couldn't stop crying. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he be strong like Vegeta?

And what were they going to do now? He would always stand by Vegeta, supporting him, helping him - but he didn't think he could handle many more sessions like today.

He didn't even feel like he really had anyone to talk to about it. He could talk to Vegeta about almost everything - but not this. His prince felt so guilty; he couldn't do that to him. Piccolo...Piccolo was much more Vegeta's friend - that was obvious to him now. And the friends he still had left... Vegeta didn't want them to know and he wouldn't betray his confidence. What he could tell...they wouldn't understand.

Why did he keep losing his friends? If...if he had come back after Cell...would they still like him? Did it make him a bad person? First Krillin and now King Kai...what did he do that was so wrong? Why was this happening? Was he going to lose them all eventually?

How could King Kai do that? He had taught him. They were friends. He had trained with him, told jokes, eaten with him... Goku had done almost everything he asked. Sure, he had fought Frieza against his wishes, but that worked out okay. He had gotten even stronger and learned new things because of it. And if he hadn't - what would have happened to Vegeta? The lizard might have even come to earth before they were strong enough to stop him. Was he mad about Cell? He didn't mean to blow up his planet. It wasn't on purpose - he just didn't know what else to do.

And what about the other Kais? He and Vegeta had fought so hard against Buu - and they had helped, hadn't they? They saved the whole universe. Didn't that count? Why would they do this? Why would they let Vegeta suffer? They didn't even say they couldn't - they refused. They refused!

Couldn't they see how good Vegeta was now? He had known the potential was there the instant they met - all he needed was a chance. Didn't they see what his prince could do if they gave him the opportunity?

He slammed his fists to the ground and made an anguished cry.

It wasn't fair! Why were all of his friends abandoning him? It didn't make sense. Why? Why!?

He just wanted to be happy. Didn't he deserve it?

He had finally found someone he considered his soul-mate. Sure, he loved Chichi, but this was different - stronger. He felt complete with Vegeta. Sometimes he would just stop whatever he was doing and let himself feel his prince, letting all the emotions they shared wash over him. How could anyone think Vegeta was cold and emotionless? He felt and cared so much it was almost an ache. Vegeta's love filled him and warmed him.

But...but it wasn't safe for Vegeta to be in love. It was all Frieza's fault...but what could they do? He didn't blame Vegeta for how he had been hurt - really he didn't. It's just...somehow seeing himself being tortured...it made him sick, bringing back the feeling of helplessness.

He wrapped his arms and tail around himself, rocking, trying to comfort himself, trying to stop crying so hard.

Why couldn't he be stronger? Why did it bother him so much? He had been hurt so much worse in fights - what was so different? He didn't understand - why did what happened in the Gravity Room continue to haunt him?

He had been...no, it had happened to Vegeta, and he had gotten over it. Why couldn't he move past this? He- raped...

He sobbed. It had happened to Vegeta and he didn't think any less of him. So why did he hate himself for letting it happen? It had to be his fault somehow. He should have fought - but he couldn't, could he? He always was able to fight, but he wasn't able to this time.

He wanted to ask Vegeta how he survived it happening to him, but it wasn't possible. Vegeta didn't understand why he didn't blame him, but he truly didn't. He had known the instant he saw those empty eyes it wasn't his prince. But Vegeta felt so guilty Goku couldn't bear to bring it up.

He curled himself into an anguished ball, rocking and weeping in grief. Why did everything have to hurt so much?

TBC